Jesus RawKz

Missing

2010-10-27T03:08:00.001-07:00

Haven't been blogging alot. No time! and tumblr is private so.. yea.

Term is coming to an END.

END of year TWO sem one. omgosh. time is moving too quickly.. we are aging too quickly.. this is scary. I want to slow down!!! NOW!! slow slow slow. 

I actually enjoy uni - the stressful work. cuz i think working life will be worse. much worser. tomorow there's this internship briefing which will be stressing me out very soon. 

Anws.. wt's birthday was awesssommme!! <3 minus the awful hangover please. 

OK this widget is stupid.. it keeps lengthening. need to download a smarter one. BYE FOR NOW. 

2010-09-05T00:39:00.000-07:00

Ask for more

“Lord, teach me what you want me to do, and I will live by your truth.” Psalm 86:11

"When kindness comes through grudgingly, we’ll remember God’s kindness to us and ask Him to make us more kind. When patience is scarce, we’ll thank Him for His and ask Him to make us more patient. When it’s hard to forgive, we won’t list all the times we’ve been given grief. Rather, we’ll list all the times we’ve been given grace and pray to become more forgiving."

Can I hear a loud AMEN ?????

2010-08-30T09:58:00.001-07:00

Every time you give a chance

I believe that chances are created to be given. I believe because I'm a receiver of His endless chances, His embrace.. until I am trying my hardest to not make mistakes. Once granted grace, will always be graceful. Once loved, will always love. Once forgiven, will always learn to forgive. Once given mercy and a second chance, will always do the same to others. I look at how God has made me a forgiving person. Because he is. How God has made me believed in Love, because He loves unconditionally. How can you still keep forgiveness from others, be stingy with love, and cruel without mercy, when you're ALWAYS being treated in the opposite way? You become so so grateful .. you yourself wish others knew of this gratitude.

God's signs are amazing.. Sometimes grey but sometimes so so sharp n in your face. A sign I've asked for about a year(or slightly less) now.. wondered why it never came. And it began to show its appearance. Denying them, I tried. But once it's ordained, you can't just fight. Everytime I manage to push them away or try to defy it, it comes back IN MY FACE. 'hey.. I told you not to think of it'.. literally. People ask me.. hey why not? don care la.. go ahead. Even entertaining that thought gives MORE signs of why I should not. It's kinda scary..But I see the facts why Big Daddy is explaining to me that it's a wrong move. I will accept it.. despite how many times I still indulge in that little bit of rebellion and my own 'willfulness'. Sorry Daddy. Knowing He knows best.. I shall not. I shall not. I will not.

One more sign I've been praying.. please come. at Your Great timing.

2010-08-23T09:06:00.000-07:00

School is back

Summer's out! Goodbye Life, see u in December.

Updates in short. What I did in August...

- National Day fireworks photo session was awesomely-beautiful. A human creation I adore.

- 4 Mods this sem, all in first window. Budget bidding and I don really like my tax prof =/

- Sophomores briefing is making me stressed. Gpa to push up=/

- I love Koi at 25% Sugar content

- Vivace was cool.. attended it as a sophomore-disguising-as-freshie but was good catching up with friends at their booths!

- XLB BUFFET WAS AWESOMMEELY-FULL-BUT-SATISFIED!!!

- Meet up with Jill was nice after a long long while

- Skypark MBS was breath-taking!

- Social night photoshoot + rehearsals + games try-outs!

- BILTB(brother-in-law-to-be) is coming back alr with my f21 goodies! woohoo.

- SISTER tried on bridal gowns!! PREETS!

- Butter

- Last wed for Supper

- Crazy exams

- Meetup with JC PEEPSS ytd!=)=) happz. monthly ritual.

- Salt, inception, sorcerer's apprentice, burger bench good!

- Met claire, f21 shopping much

Ok i think tt's all i can recall.

2010-08-01T05:55:00.000-07:00

Mercy

Merciful, the merciful 3 seconds. The merciful lesson.

The mistake. The guilt. The regret. May His Blood take away all these. I pray.

The Father is good. Always. It was not time, so go and learn what all that was for. An expensive and painful day. But pain will fade and go away. The thought, the Grace is what stays.

30...days, A Fast from humanity. Heavens and its Creativity. 3 seconds to display human's Vulnerability. 7 ...deadly sins.

Heart stopped. Eyes fixed. Hands froze. Mind failed.

The panic.
The call.
The unwillingness to fall.
There were massive voices, screaming. Falling. Calling. Blocking.

Aftermath. Crumpled element, Broken. Scars.

Feeling is real. Reality to feel. Much to deal.
You don't have to run, although you want to hide. Depend not on your own, but what's strong. Walk ahead and watch your steps.

Burdened travellers. Painted gray. Lift those up. I pray.

2010-07-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

Hermoso de cambio

Been the slackest thing ever on this planet the past few days. At home, stoning, sleeping, mac-ing. Rot to the max. It actually feels like I've rot too much.

Meeting up with rach, cy, boon was nice on saturday. Nandos! finally tried it ever since it came. mega long queue but was entertained by the catching up. Chit chating was good.. jokes... us. Bugis was quite mad crowded on a weekend.. we left at 7 and I went to meet my folks to meet my sister's future-in-laws. Dinner was .....tensed at first! I think cuz we both hvnt actually sat down for a dinner properly, the Lins n the Johns at the same table. But well.. all was cool and the stiffness melt down to a natural harmony.

I think sometimes I want things when I can't get them.

2010-07-15T06:21:00.000-07:00

Accendo'10!!

Back from asoc camp 2010! freshmen orientation subcomm saigang ends today. Sunday - Today, slept on SR floor n burnt under chili padi sun. And chili padi burying really works in clearing the weather!

Camp was generally fun, meeting new people, doing new things, as a senior. So much nostalgia, going through the same things in a different angle. From a freshmen participant in 2009 to a committee backstage crew involved in the organising.. it was a special transition. And I really got a 360degrees view of how a camp is like. And it was tiring as a freshmen, being enthu etc.. but equally or doubly tiring being backstage.

The glamour in front needed soooo much hardwork, man power behind. And it's smth you will never quite appreciate until you're put in the spot. I rmb last year, i barely knew who e org comm was, nor rmb any game masters and definitely not any subcomm. One of the hardest thing is putting in so much effort and not being recognised. And I guess God wants to teach me the lesson of humility as well. Also, that He sees what im going through and is telling me the same story in a differnt context. Like in ministry, or when you're simply doing things for Godly purpose, sometimes, you would also not receive a single credit at all.. and nobody knows who you are or what you did. They rmb whos infront, the fun, but not the planning. Like a stage performance, the dancers put in work too, but its the crew that gave their all. But what you would rmb more is the dance and not how the props r made or how the stage is laid. What's the only difference in ministry work is God sees it.. and He's the most important audience which actually matters.

It was sweating hardwork, no sleep, no rest, getting pissed off n complains from annoying freshies who only wants to cheat in games, packing logs, rushing here n there, uncooperative facis, irritating people, irritable mood, lousy food, long hours of blazing sun on burning skin. Experience, experience. All sums up to a good experience though.

All in all, the people are quite nice. Hopefully there'll be more chances of such experience!

I feel like we're losing something. Losing how we used to really just talk about anything and I really don like the arguments that can jus make things not nice for days. Mayb we should talk about how we can not argue anymore.. maybe I should just delete this whole thing n pretend I'm ok. maybe I shld not let my eyes turn sour as I type this. maybe I jus miss my bestfriend.

2010-07-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

Sun-kissed

Back from Bali for almost a week now! Enjoyed the sun, the glorious food and the service^^ and of cuz the company. Arriving at Bali was a pain... not the flight, KLM Royal Dutch Airlines was actually quite good but the custom was a lonnnnggggg wait. queue could barely move and we waited for years to clear. A clubmed person picked us up along with other families in a small coach and made our way to the resort!

It was dark when we arrived but the officers still received us with smiles. hot towels n drinks for us while he briefed us abt the clubmed village. Got our sacred bracelet, which will gain us access to all club facilities n we head bck to our room! don even have to do check in ! all's done.

Ok room was alittle bit disappointing, quite small toilet but comfortable bed at least. No towels! Bad tv reception! Had to call to fix those but all's well.

Reception area

After settling down our stuff, we head out to explore the place! We went to grab a evening bite/supper at the Batuk Restaurant

And i ordered.. BURGER!

Bar was happening with sme party gg on, dance, music etc. got our cocktails n lie on the sunbed to enjoy our first evening there.

(all the clubmed events n parties to entertain guests allll nighhttt)

Bar area! where the party is

Sunbed and the pool view infront of us.

Friendly GO (guest officer) came to talk to us abit, was alil uncomfortable at the start by their 'friendliness' but you will get v used to it after four days there. OK tt's basically night 1.

Day 2: All ready to start the fun!

Woke up at 8am and went for breakfast! First proper meal at the place. (ok blogger don allow me to upload anymore pictures so check fb for more!)

Buffet style, sunny side ups, bacon etc. There were western, chinese, korean, jap, indonesian section of breakfast. but breakfast spread is definitely much lesser than lunch and much much lesser than dinner.

Went to the quiet pool to chill/swim for awhile. Quiet pool cuz u cant talk loud there. Not the main pool. hot jacuzzi! then head for tanning at e main pool after. And then it was low tide beach adventure and saw 10000 starfishes around! lost my shades!! =(

At night was performance by GOs at the theater and grabbed two cocktails again. lol.

Day 3: Sports day! Badminton, tennis n archery! We played the first two for like 15mins each cuz it was too tiring. archery was FUN! love it! Then we went to the beach area to tannnnn=)

After dinner we had moonlight tanning n picture taking. Watched the performance again, some sports demo by the Sports team GOs at the POOL.. such a small pool and they are do like everything there. lol. Good entertainment! Then sme brazilian dance show(by the GOs again..poor them) at the theater and fullmoon party at another venue. Went for star gazing session instead!

Day 4: Last nite! okk cant rmb wad we did. i rmb i did archery in e morning!

Day 5: LAST DAY! okk anws lunch was very entertaining cuz some GOs dressed in black n were disturbing the guests, acting like sme body guards. got pictures!

Sister did trapeze! COOL. i chickened out after one try.. cuz it was too scary.

Okkk lazy to blog alr. let pictures on fb do the talking. Oh anws, fright night dry run 2 was MUCH better than run 1. we at least got sme 'run thru' and testers for routes. And bidding is such a bitch.. three day week now, hopefully we get all our bids PLS. argh. Sh is back with goodies, met up to discuss bids, derek's ice cream treat soon! ok tt's abt all in vv short form.

kthxbye.

2010-06-25T23:01:00.000-07:00

ClubMed MADness!!

Leaving for the airport in half... EXCITED!! To a place of luxury and pure indulgence. Will be back nxt wed! Good sun, Good food, Good service.. what more can you ask ?? hehehe. Hopefully its not too crowded. Cant wait for the awesome sister time too!

Anws, Sister is newly engaged!! The proposal was sweeetttt.. pitched dark, lower peirce, mosquitos, candles, tears, guitar, my girl, ring, yes i do. awwwww.

Been quite busy lately with asoc stuffs. there were meetings to prepare logs, fright night dry runs.. and then i just came back two days ago from asoc mock camp. Running around preparing for station games, waking up early, not being able to sleep at night, shagg ttm, water bombs, sentosa, sand, burnt.. all was funn i guess! reliving the asoc experience in a more tiring version. But I'm quite glad at least I had something to be involved in this summer for school. Hope the turn out for actual camp will be good! Our turn now to 'bully' the freshies!

Hvnt met up with the girls.. hopefully will get to! Being back nxt week will be packed even more with stuffs. The gang finally unites with shihhaur's return, free ice cream treat from derek and introduction of evelyn officially, bidding discussion and bidding!!! then.. Charity golf for TCA, volunteered by my sister. hahaha. driving almost everyday.. 2nd fright night dry run and then the asoc actual camp!! WOW.. sounds like alot for one n a half week. Not to forget, planning for stage games for camp night n asoc social night stuffs! OMG n work toooo!! 15/hr is mad good money.

Okk nicee. i like it busy this way. hahaha. TOODLES!!! bye guys.

2010-06-18T04:43:00.000-07:00

Music for the dance

Two weeks back in Spore. Caught up with the pace of life, got involved with the programmes for camp n social night. Had the first two meetings on last tues n ytd. Fright night dry run was fun doing the make up and all.. lazing ard chilling and nth much happened till like 7pm. It was still quite cool anyways. Trang, Peixi and Cen crashed our meeting at around 10plus and went for supper at SpiZe after that. Cabbed home at 2plus am and crashedddd till 2pm today. dead tired.

Met up with Peixi last week! Great with the catch up and shopping all. Just talking and sharing stories, updating, sharing freaky stories, getting freaked out, sitting at mos burger till the shops are all closed, she being obsessed with squeezing the oil out of all the fries and soft fries....

Now waiting for sarah to be back from msia so I can then possibly meet up with her again before I fly off to Bali nxt sat! And the meetup with JC peeps and rach was AWESOME! seeing that blissful happy girl for the first time in 9 months was almost quite unrealistic. Been awhile since all the girls were present and we sure did had alot of talking session and gift xchange from UK of cuz. It's strange how we can jus sit and talk for ages, no need for shops to entertain us and we can just feel so comfortable tgt. That's the chemistry we have and that's the kind of friends that you know will stay forever.

I guess sometimes the world just don't understand. I want to explain myself but I find it so hard to explain when the connection isn't there in the first place. Certain decisions, certain moves, I don't make them myself..It's the tug, the voice, the whisper inside that motivates or dissuades me in making good n bad choices in life. The spirit that guides. They don't.. they call it 'bullshit'.. they ask 'why?' .. yaa call that bullshit, its ok.. as long as I know its not and He knows, tt's enough I guess.

And then I quote Max Lucado, "The Holy Spirit is not an impersonal force. He is not Popeye’s spinach or the surfer’s wave. He is God within you to help you. In fact John calls him the Helper. What is essential is that you know the music is in you. “If Christ is in you, then the Spirit gives you life” (Rom. 8:10). You don’t need a formula to hear it. I don’t have a four-step plan to help you know it. What I do have is his promise that the helper would come to comfort, convict, and convey. "

"So think about it; have you ever been comforted? Has God ever brought you peace when the world brought you pain? Then you heard the music. "

"Have you ever been convicted? Have you ever sensed a stab of sorrow for your actions? Then you’ve been touched by the Holy Spirit."

So now.. do you understand???

2010-06-08T22:56:00.000-07:00

Kun Ming, Love

back from a land where I first-hand experienced the simplest joy on earth and the simple hearts of mankind. A trip that I wouldn't trade with for anything else. A trip that I left for without much excitement, and came back with a heart of gratitude. A trip that I underestimated its influence to myself and the awesome memories I had. I can only say so much, do so much for the kids in 3 weeks, but they've made a big impact in my heart which I'm sure is going to last for a life time.

Have you ever seen a smile so contented with just a pencil or a sweet in hand? These are the smiles you see when you hand these children perhaps the simplest gifts on earth. The smiles when you simply take a picture with them.. they fight, push, just to take one photo with you. They cry when you leave, they greet you 'lao shi hao!' in the most enthusiastic manner that the primary school kids in singapore never would. They wear the same shirt for the entire week and we complain about our wardrobe that we have nth to wear.

It was really a great trip for me. A God-Blessed trip! And being away is good, I like the distance (I quote schwazer).. Away from technology, away from hectic life in singapore, away from the fast paced world, just the team the kids and myself(and the great food and shopping). I think travelling with friends is one of the merits of this trip.. because it feels like a school outing and you have people you're familiar with. I should travel with friends more.. it makes time easier to pass.

Now that i'm back, I miss the carefree-ness in Kun ming but of cuz I get to meet with the people I love here! =)

Ok gtg! Updates on my reflection soon.

2010-05-09T05:38:00.000-07:00

It wasn't.

It's time to try defying gravity

I think I'll try defying gravity

Kiss me Goodbye, I'm defying gravity

And you won't bring me down

-Glee

Four days to leaving Singapore Land! Flying off this coming Friday afternoon. Excited? alittle. Reluctant? Abit. Home sick? Perhaps will be. Fearful? I guess.. never been away on my own before, take care of myself for such a long three weeks, away from home/mum/comfort, I dk wad to expect in fact.

It was great meeting up with cy n pz!(: miss them alot. alot of catching up was done, updating, gossiping, heart to heart talks. Love their company as always. Cy went to cut her hair and she was paranoid about looking too weird in her new bangs. Did some shopping at far east too! Wish I could meet up with them again this week but boon's not free! booo. I guess i'll only see them after i come back.

Met Seh ytd at bugis(: It was as great as ever and we're still as best as ever. Miss her alot and hvnt been seeing her due to MIA-ing. haha. Talked alot as well over lunch at Ma maison which was just as good. Did some groceries shopping and clothes shopping at bugis street to prepare for the trip. And i hv no idea where all my money go tho i didnt really buy much. Bought stuff for momsie for mummy's day!

And today was a trip to couz's place for Kegan's 1st month! The little one has grown fatter definitely. still hvnt seen him opened his eyes, probably too shy in the crowd.

I should start packing soonnnnnn. Hope i don over or under packed.

Somehow when i heard it, i don feel really affected. I don feel sad like i thought i would. maybe i've really done it. Maybe im just puzzled at the choice and what could have possibly been the reasons behind the choice. really rather puzzling and might be frustrating. But yeah.. i guess it doesnt matter to me so much now.

"Whatever comes in the way, whatever battles that come in the way, we always have a choice. And its the choice that makes us who we are. " Spider man.

OK tata. probably the next time blogging will be when im back. keep me in prayers!!

You start by doing the hardest thing; you forgive yourself

2010-04-30T07:20:00.000-07:00

Caffeinated life

Heart hurts

Eye hurts

Brain hurts

Soul hurts

It's tiring to try again and again and then fail. It's the falling and picking my all bruised self up that hurts. And when i hurt, i hurt people. I talk nasty to people who comforts me because nothing seem to cheer me up and everything is going so well for them and I just don think they will ever say the right things I wna hear and they will never ever understand. I hate it when people complain about not getting things when they're expecting so much and I'm just hving that mediocre small dream which is never fulfilled. I get irritated when my mum ask me small things because I don give a shit about them and I'm in a bad mood. I get damn sick when people tell me to try harder because they hv no hell of a idea how hard i tried and I just cant 'try hardER' anymore. And i throw my messed up tantrum at God because I don understand why things are the fucked up way it is. And at the end of e day I hate myself for being like that, being the exact opposite person for what God had planned all these for. For me to be stronger, for me to know that grades don define me but He does, for me to give Him glory despite of these.

Am i asking alot? Am i? I still have so much to learn.. so little strength.

Until He cometh, rest.

2010-04-22T06:04:00.000-07:00

Remember you need a rest

It's summer time! Exams are over for me on the 19th of April and at 4pm, the fun begins.

Although MA paper sucks to the max but let's not talk about such stuff for now. So anyways, the past few days felt really relaxing, fun, unreal and fabulous. And all of us get the immediate-post-exam thing that for a second we think that there's still 'work to do and why m i slacking'.

19th 4pm: Exploring (not innovation) Circle Line!

Ok not that exciting though but something new. hopefully the new exit directly at Concourse doesn't flood our campus with random folks who don't belong to SMU! Alighted at Promenade station n we walked ard 'PARCO' - this new Jap mall in millennia walk. Waited for the time to pass n head to Marina next. Cinnamon meltz was good!^^ The rest came and then had a little shopping with wt. first shopping(or rather stepping into a mall) for months.

Soon it was 7ish n time for buffet! (pictures r nt with me so pardon the wordy entry)

*Om Nom Nom* - The five of us had 20 'longs' of xlb in total on top of the steamboat and desserts. Bloated Bloated Bloated!! Stuffed to the brim n filled with satisfaction!^^

20th 845am: Met at vivo city! UNIVERSAL STUDIOS!! (again no pictures. check fb for it soon) oh my, u bet we were excites abt our day! :) I think its worth a visit! Altho Battlestar was not opened but we had tons of fun with the ride at Revenge of the Mummy. I would say there's not much rides in the theme park itself but it definitely creates the holiday-feel.

Rides/attractions we went:

1. Shrek 4D

2. Shrek's mini rollercoaster (x2)

3. Madagascar Merry-go-round

4. Jurassic Park Canopy Flyer (x2)

5. Jurassic Park Rapids Adventure (the wet ride)

6. Revenge of the Mummy (x4)

7. Lights, Camera, Action! show

8. WaterWorld stunt show

Ok i think tt's it. And some shopping to bring back a token for memory sake.

Checked in Hard Rock Hotel during lunch time and it was AMAZINGGGGG.

Room was awesome with awesome bed with awesome bathroom with awesome everything. AND of cuz.. an awesome VIEWWWwww (of the pool)

ya i know it doesnt look like singapore and all of us felt this way. lol. Palm trees, real sand at the pool, tanning beds, cool pool setting, what more can u ask for! (not advertising) It was hard to part with the stay!

After gaga-ing over the place, headed back to USS n had more fun and LUNCHH at one of the cafes inside the theme park in the New York area. AHH. best pizza(largest too) ever! pictures another day too. it's like gianormous. Honey wings, lasagna, pepperoni pizza all for free cuz of vouchers rebate!(:

took pictures with tons of mascots ! Madagascar animals ( I told Boon i hugged Alex and she almost gone insane), Kungfu Panda, Charlie Chaplin, Egyptian characters, woodpecker bird, Shrek & Fiona.. ok cant rmb alr.

Cant wait for the Transformer side to be open! Will definitely come back maybe.. next year?

Dinner at some Ramen place inside Resort World. Theme park closed at 6pm. I think it's a little early. But then, there's not much to walk since it is not very big actually.

Back to the hotel after dinner! Played sme card games and everybody was gonezz and we KO-ed at 3ish. Woke up at 8am on the 21st and headed straight for the awesome poool for some great tanning session, volleyball on e sand(there's a beach volleyball court next to the pool!) and swimming!

Checked out at noon and went to have Soup Spoon at vivo for lunch. Thanks for the presents! And thanks for the awesome company! It wouldn't be the same and there wouldn't be so much fun without you guys=) hopefully the taiwan trip will materialize. haha.

Ok that sums up my exciting week and today was plain slacking at home after exhausting myself for two days straight. KKKK.... tt's for all now!

2010-04-12T01:22:00.000-07:00

If only (not)

We take comfort in the warm and familiar glow of routine, even if we know things should or will change, sometimes we just don't want them to.

I can say that yesterday was a good day.

Surprise from Wt, G n Sh was shocking(very) and sweet(definitely)!^^ no one done that before and i was honestly tricked to believe. Nice melted 'cake', durian and zombotatos! haha. Photobooth. Chit chat. Unglamz chui look. Sneaky photos. Impossible test-ing. Late night. 2am. Ipod touch stolen. A cap left behind. A heart feeling warm and loved^^ It meant so much to me. Thanks peeps.

And whole of sunday was spent in stats notes, and a pleasant visit to the hospital to see the new born child of my couz=) Kegan Ho! You're one lovely creation of God and new addition to the family. Crafted by His hands and brought to this world for His Glory. I can see that my sis is tempted to get one(or a dozen) of her own! hehehe. the 'motherly' way she carried him in her arms was quite classic. Quite interesting(scary) stories of delivery by couz. Am very amazed at the 9 months work of nature to bring a baby into this world. And he looks jus like the mummy!^^ cute boy. I am exactly 20 years older than this little bean.

Church on a sunday. Lovely cake from cell group and plenty of wishes. Handshakes. Smiles. 'Thank yous'. Hugs. Cards. Later, Lunch buffet with whole clan at our usual. Photo taking, catching up, laughing, eating.. the good ole Ho Clan.

Today - start of exams. One week later - summer holz. 'Cant wait' is an understatement.

It could be better.

2010-03-21T10:53:00.000-07:00

Light up in a jar

People say that walking away is the hardest thing to do. But it isnt. Staying. even when you know it breaks your heart

Been sleeping past 2 for many consecutive nights. This screws up my sleeping patter, my body and my mind. I hate this shit. I want all the things back..

I hvn't been blogging for awhile, hvnt been catching up with friends, hvn't been texting boon (she complains to me), hvn't been wishing ppl happy bday (forgetting seh's bday was the biggest regret ever), hvn't been stepping out of the house for alternative purposes besides school (aside the awesome mahjong session spontaneously e other night), hvn't been catching up with old friends and I just feel really happy seeing them, even a wave, ard in school at least, hvn't been saying 'oh my week's great' for a damn long time.

I am a selfish, selfish person. All these have perhaps been the most irrational things i've done. The furthest i've gone for something that was not even suppose to be right from the start. Somehow I had the scariest feeling ever when you said 'but it's good'. Afraid. Afraid that i'm going to lose another bestfriend. Afraid of the dependence yet afraid of the loneliness. Afraid of seeking for the wrong shelter yet afraid of being in the wind after all. Wanting for the right but giving in to the wrong. Feeling the tug of war and losing sometimes. It's wrong.. I know. Yea.. it's wrong. Stop showing double standards. Stop doing what you said you wouldn't. Stop hurting people. Stop it. Debs.. stop it.

2010-02-12T02:44:00.000-08:00

With your eyes closed, watching a strange show

“Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains we live with everyday. Then there’s the kind of pain you can’t ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else and makes the rest of the world fade away, until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain, we anaesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it. And for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.” - Grey’s

Been a long busy month since i've updated. Blog's dead! haha.

Week 6 into second sem of SMU. CNY is next weeekk. Two test and one mid term next week. Yeahh i know.. that sucks rite? Week 8's recess week..breakk.. not technically because i have LTB execution, papers to hand in and two mid terms to study when my week resumes on week 9. And before i know it, the term is over and summer is here! (trying to sound optimistic and the sem don kill me before it ends)

Not much of a change this sem in terms of activities.. same old(lovable) friends and dreadful schedules.. Ocip to prepare for, that's perhaps the 'new' thing on the block. Five more 'new' projects, one presentation down this week! Was talking to wt the other day that when we graduate next time we might get so used to presenting and meetings that working life might seem too relax. like "huh? only one meeting today?" or "Oh wow only 6.."

Been twitter active and biz law reading active.

Oh did i mention.. Went to Trinity for service last sunday and wow.. 3000 seater auditorium IS indeed breath taking! Worship was wonderful=) ahhh.. wanna go back there.

I was just thinking about when exactly was the period of time i wish i could go back to(so far). If i had a chance, which would i choose. But i realised there's something i love about in every season of my life. Enter into one, step out of one, enter into a new one. Transitions are always filled with uncertainty, but when you look back, you would hardly regret. Sometimes i wonder if i belong here.. belong to SMU, belong to Elim, belong to the friends i currently have. Sometimes there isn't as much smiles on your face not because of your situation, but because of what's in your mind.

[blogged half way and went for dinner at Domino's Pizza] backk. Pizza was not bad! but 9inch was a tad too small for two pax. Ok i guess its back to work.. or rather since when im not actually 'studying'.

I never thought I would be put in such a position. We're a habit.. a habit that we can't just quit.

2010-01-17T02:03:00.001-08:00

Sparkle still works

You don't know this yet but life isn't supposed to be like this. It's not supposed to be so hard. You're supposed to smile. You're supposed to fall in love. You're not supposed to ache like this

- Grey's anatomy

Going into Week 3 of school. Things are picking up pretty fast already. I can forsee this sem zooming past quickly.. don wanna waste any minute in regret. Gonna do my best in everything... Looking for God's directions everywhere i go.

Peixi came back! =) caught up with her ytd. She's flying back on tues for e next 4mths.

Signed up for Project Agape.. CSP trip.. 3 weeks. will i survive? I am going to!!!

Twitter is fun.. i likeee~ =)

Stats mini quiz tmr.. I fear x 10 .. hvnt got down to studying=/ .. Indulging in nice music, funny msn chats, tweeting and tumblr visits.

Current song: "Officially missing you"

This sucks.. I dk if i should drop MA... God help.. please.

ok tata.. dinnner

2010-01-09T03:06:00.000-08:00

It's almost as long as it had been

What's worse, new woulds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again. - Grey's Anatomy

First week of school is already exhausting me! Got abit addicted to twitter recently.. and got all of us involved in twitter as well. haha.

Four day week is no joke. Two morning lessons is no joke. I miss my 3day week in 1st sem.

Chilling during break at Screme, friday dinner with my uni friends n Saturday dinner/ice cream at udders/haunted house visits/slacking by pool was funn!! =) So much laughter, so much talking, htht-ing, driving around, fb-stalking, twittering random stuffs.. one of those days that i enjoy alot.

Current mood: LTB readings are killing me!

K bye.. 2010 first week = not too bad.

2009-12-30T06:11:00.000-08:00

Give me that rearview mirror

"After all this time?"

"Always."

Second last day of 2009.

Quick updates for e week(s)!

met up with claire again on christmas eve's eve for brotzeit dinner. Went up the cruise for the book fair too.. rather cool! sight seeing from a cruise and a stroll after dinner was quite unusual.

Sat - BOXING DAY : met my jc lovelies!!! I miss them hell loads! been SO long since all the 10 of us are present. Had lunch at shoduku (again). It was our standard lunch venue. after that, we walked alot from cityhall to suntec and sat down at gloria jeans' for taste-like-medicine-coffee. Catch up with them and had laughable chats. Jer's funny rxns and us footsying her, jm complaining abt the foodcourt smell, mich arrived soon after.. oh and pz left early. I love us all!! and jer.. don stare at my legS!! URS ARE NICER!! hahaha.

Avatar was a greattttttt........... !!!! AWESOME. FAB. to the max. Bring me to pandora and let me play with the glowing forest.

I miss my brendonnnnnnn... epicentre call me soon.

I get the new year blues when it's end of year and things have to restart when the date hits january. I guess i didnt have this feeling last year due to the 8long mths of holiday i still had after year ended. I don't hv to get caught up with all the human race, to excel, to meet datelines, to not know wad im chasing after day by day. I don't hv to grow tired of work n more work. But i sincerely pray that 2010 will be a different year.. a year of breakthroughs.. a year of miracles i'm waiting to see by faith.. a year of friendships, old or new being forged closer.. a year of growing closer to God.. a year i'll not forget what it meant when i turn 60.

I rmb thanking friends for them ..writing dedications on my blog. Friends who are still on the list, friends who aren't anymore and friends who went up the list. I wonder if the list will change year on year.

My sister is making tiramisu now. i miss baking. i wan to bake banana bread !

TMR will be watchnight !

2009-12-25T03:01:00.000-08:00

Put on your red shoes and dance the blues

There are feelings that fill you up

that dig their roots into your skin

and never let go

they swell

and blow you over

like winds and waves

"I have learnt now that while those who speak about ones miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more" - C.S Lewis

Christmas!!! Jolly Jolly Christmas..

I love Christmas.. good or bad how i spent my day.. I still love Christmas and how it makes me feel deep deep inside. It's warm.. it's fuzzy.. it feels like a hug. A season that I wna spend the entire evening, be it in a crowded place or just in my room, soaking on as much 'Love, giving, embrace' as I can. This is when you can sing christmas songs all day long and no one will stare weirdly at you saying "It's only February, dear". And of course, take pictures of beautiful festive lights like a tourist. Everybody seemed joyous on this day.. going around with smiles on their faces.. and nobody will scream at you for stepping on their shoes because it's Christmas. Suddenly, the world is so loving again.

This Christmas is full of mixed feelings.. This Christmas I gave up on all the expectations and how it would turn out.. I gave up that it would be 'good and satisfying'.. But somehow I'm surprised by the smile I couldn't hide when we went up the stage for appreciating the production crew.

I run away from you sometimes because I just want to know if you'll follow.

2009-12-11T06:25:00.000-08:00

To have my voice, but him speaking.
My steps, but Christ leading.
My heart, but his love beating
in me, through me, with me.
What's it like to have Christ on the inside?

To tap his strength when mine expires
or feel the force of heaven's fires
raging, purging wrong desires.
Could Christ become my self entire?

So much him, so little me
That in my eyes it's him they see.
What's it like to a Mary be?
No longer I, but Christ in me.

Tues, Wed and today was love =)

Tues was fuzzy love with peezac and chewyan.. aww i miss them! and it's reallyyy super nice to meet them again, to talk like we knew each other since forever, and know for sure that we've nth to hide and there's always laughter. I REALLY LOVE THEM. although we spent most of the time sitting down n talking.. talking actually is quite fun on its own. Not to mention, Peezac sat on a table at cold rock. HAHA she just makes me day. I need some laughter about now. And chewyan with her lame jokes all.. =) yay glad we'll b meeting soon again!

Wed is claire bear love. Met up with the law girl and we went town. Didnt shop at all.. just updating on each other's lives. Movie 'Couples Retreat' was hilarious! quite funny here n there..not too bad at all. Acting like a tourist taking pictures of and with christmas trees was fun. we heart the one at ion. 'Supper' at tcc was love! talking about old times in crescent.. what wonderful memories we had. Recalling about funny incidents, teacher's names and what nots. Bad memories seemed good even now as you reflect on your teenage years. No wonder they say memories are always beautiful and sweet.

Today was sister love with SEH<3. went bugis on a mega shopping trip.. attempting to forget that it is results day. We had so much fun just having each other around.. talking about random things to serious things.. from retarded things to holy things. I just feel nicee to have her around.. and you noe you love me seh. hahah. our weird lingo just makes me laugh and i just love the way we are. I need a hug right about now.

I don noe what i'll ever do without these great people in my life.. Thank God I still have them.. Thank God for their wonderful lives.

Seeing God close that door is painful... You know, i really hate tears.

2009-12-08T06:45:00.001-08:00

It's hard to describe how it hurts

to try again, and again, and still it fails

to look at everyone climbing and you falling

caught in between tears and disappointment

I tried.. i really did. That's why it hurts so bad now.

2009-12-04T01:17:00.000-08:00

Lost

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost;

when health is lost, something is lost;

when character is lost, all is lost.

The past week was crazy. Crazy insane. Crazy fun. Crazy broken rules. Crazy life. Crazy me.

Been hanging out with wt and all alot. Monday and Wednesday - Shopping, food, (Crazy place) and etc. Thurs(ytd) was spent nua-ing at her house.. talked alot about things. thought alot about things..both want-think and don-want-think things. Holidays are insanely beautiful in many ways.

finally got to watch new moon! =) rather nice-ish..not bad i would say.

needs to meet up with more lovely people soon. Claire, JC peeps, church peeps, cute niece and all <3

i love my nails. i love plants vs zombies.

it's been awhile since i've been so confused..having so messed up thoughts. Actually, not 'been awhile'. It's always there but i refuse to pay much attention to it..like always i refuse to acknowledge it. I wish i cld do more but you just knew that this is all you've got and there's nothing more to it in your own will to give. And all this shit is crashing me.. losing myself is hurting too much.

2009-11-28T09:17:00.000-08:00

I just want you to know who i am

EXAMS ENDED!

First term in SMU has come to an end. Yesterday felt like orientation and trying to differentiate the buildings. Time is passing too quickly.. So much happened in 15weeks. It felt like a series of events jam packed, compressed, canned into this small term. I looked back and im quite proud that i survived the hell week 12-14.. with projects to polish up, with due dates and studying to juggle all at once. i've never started to prepare for exams only ONE Week before..and SMU really stretched my ability.

I feel old suddenly..

I think the best that happened during week 14..amidst the mugging sessions that can kill.. it's lying there on the beach and watching the Leonid meteor shower in the wee hours of the morning. Referring it to a 'shower' is over rated. However, shooting stars bursting into colors of blue, yellow, orange made me marvel at God's universe and His creation. I was truly in awe.

Projects were insane. Rushing FA project and submitting it at the last min was NO JOKE AT ALL. Probably read the most number of english words in my entire life for BGS project and week 13 feels like im going through PW all over again but x 100.

5 weeks of holiday is simply NOT enough!! i feel like i've nv rested since term started. 15weeks for 5 weeks of break?

Movies, shopping, hanging out, mahjonging... oh gosh im excited!! Jiayou to those who are still battling with the papers!!

Before we all realised, Christmas is around the corner. Light ups.. christmas trees, gifts, love, joy to the world.. who can resist this contagious festive mood??!! it's probably the best time of the year. I've always loved Christmas..when everything feels warm from the inside.. when i know what the celebration really is for.. when you know that fuzzy love spreads in forms of gifts, food and company.

OK BYE!

For now.. let me sing that song

For now.. let me feel that love

For now.. let me hear that voice..

2009-10-26T07:06:00.000-07:00

Turn around, let it down

sweet sweet victory ytd! a round of applause for liverpool(and of cuz Torres!=) )

okiess hvnt been blogging for really long. school's catching up alot and (OMG!) im hving holidays in 1mth's time. how scarily fast uni is.

Hmmm.. term 1 is so far good. Fun amidst all the boring smugger life style.

Recently celebrated (ok last saturday) Wanting's bday! Vivo for dinner, Sentosa Spooktacular and supper. Oh and checked out wavehouse at Sentosa.. lousyy.. so little people. In general, we all had fun! pictures on fb soon!

Bidding will commence soon. Once again the retarded thing will drive all of us crazy. it seemed like ytd when i was complaining abt bidding!! omg. look how scary time is.

FA quiz sucks.. FA sucks.. i get blurrer n blurrer each week. imma die.

And i m officially declared sick.. oh gosh. i get so tired.

This week is week 11.

Let's see what's due for me in the next two weeks.

Week 12:

1. BGS PRESENTATION (tues)

2. MC solo SPEECHES

3. work on BGS report

4. work on AS debate

5. work on CT proj

6. work on FA

7. lets not forget.. BIDDINGGGGGGGG

Week 13:

1. AS DEBATE (tues)

2. CT PRESENTATION AND REPORT SUBMISSION (tues)

3. FA SHARING SESSION

4. FA DEADLINE

5. BGS REPORT DEADLINE

omg... GG X 10000.

Week 14 - study week

week 15 - EXAMSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

ok ciaoooo!

"Never a lip curved with pain

that cant be kissed into a smile again.."

2009-10-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

For a moment

At starbs noww.. =D

Studying AS mid terms. slow progress but great company! and coffee smell makes me relax

First Christmas meeting just now in church at 4. Feels different from previous productions. Need to juggle my schedule alil more this year.. smu's workload is exceeding my expectations. very hectic. I need God's wisdom!

I wna join the chingay thing! sounds really cool n fun! =/ but i really dk hw the crazy second term's schedule is going to be mann..boohoo

Did i mention.. Prego is awesome??? haha.

did i mention.. i forgot what was the last movie i've watched??

did i mention.. i've never went to orchard FROM sch more than twice since term begins despite it being SO NEAR to town?

okies. byee.

no no. this cannot happen...

2009-10-04T06:59:00.000-07:00

Term break

TERM BREAK!!

ONE WEEK!!

got meetings. but there'll b fun n recharging. meeting sarah tmr!=)

met up with claire ytd in town! hvnt met up with her for quite awhile. had some shopping and girls talk. chilled out till quite late before we head hme. It was the first time in 2months tt i've stepped into the train towards Orchard mrt. i'm always gg to the city hall side(aka to school). yay.. am happy that at least there's no school tmr!

on a not so happy note, liverpool lost. so sian now.

okies. byebye

2009-09-29T09:48:00.000-07:00

Remember the lights

Week 7 is a good week for me. Less meetings, more reach-home-before-sunset, and more home-cooked dinners at home=)

It's mid term already. And in general, i enjoy school and major part of it is due to my friends. I am becoming alittle less sociable due to the comfort zone i've found. cannot!!! need to be less dao.

ok anws.. i am already planning my recess week(next week). No doubt there'll be project meetings too.. but hopefully i still get to have fun and recharge to some extent. YAY. BOOMZ

Five things i dislike about school/smu:

1. Having to squeeze on trains whenever i clash with the peak hour (esp after 530pm when all the workaholics head home)

2. Silly class participation (have not spoken at all voluntarily)

3. Rushing for lessons across campus

4. lousy three hours straight lessons to tahan through

5. weird people you meet somehow or rather

Five things i love about school/smu:

1. Awesome friends and jokes

2. funny FA prof

3. nice waffle burger

4. close to town (hvnt been to town since i dk when though)

5. errr..new buildings? skating?

i want a nice pair of skates!

i get alittle scared when i get too free.. like the past few days. I actually can watch tv sitting on the couch with no books in my hands! that is an amazing feeling and it's quite unbelievable.. so i would find myself re-thinking about what's on my list before i can sit at ease to concentrate on the tv.

ok and i get to blog. rare chance.

ok bye bye! i wonder who reads this.

2009-09-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

I keep them too

Into Week 7 of school..more than a month. some weeks can literally kill me on the spot with just the weight of the to-do list itself.. some weeks are relatively great with lesser work(when i say lesser work.. i do not mean no work n definitely not the usual definition of less work). Anws.. school's quite fun in general.. with weird, crazy, funny friends.

occasionally, we have to work with certain people who will make us appreciate how great our own friends are. Today is the day of my first formal presentation for Mngmt comms and my sun is shining again as it marks the end of the 'cooperation'. Thank God. Screw the QnA part!!

I need retail therapy.. hvnt touched the shops at all since a week BEFORE sch.. even tho ironically, we are located in town. Reached home early tdy! for the first time since sch, i watched sky turn dark in my own house.

Sometimes, i am also "too sentimental for my own good".. i quote Jill.

Having a 6day week in two consecutive weeks does not feel too good.. BUT on a lighter note, next week(week 7) is the last week of sch BEFORE TERM BREAK! goshh..scary part is it's mid term alr. and i hv one mid term in week 9. term break is week 8 tho. TIME TO PLAN MY WEEK 8!=)

ok bye bye

2009-09-11T03:11:00.000-07:00

Taking it's toll

I'm feeling what distance can do. I'm realising how negligence is disastrous. I'm afraid of losing myself too much amidst all of it.. I don want to lose myself by trying to put on a strong front, till i become so used to acting 'strong' that i never realise that the real me inside is actually breaking down.

And when i begin to feel the emptyness.. the one inside is already broken.

I tried to save myself.. but i realised i couldn't.

Till then, whatever is left of me is not enough to bring me back to where i should be.

2009-09-02T04:23:00.000-07:00

Without the rain, there will be no rainbow

hvnt been updating about my life in smu so far. hmm.. in general, i'm having quite alot of fun meeting new people and developing new friendships ard. And i realised.. the world is indeed very small! i shld say.. Spore is so small. Uni friends are knowing my jc friends.. Sec sch friends know my jc friends thru uni... somehow everybody is linked to everybody suddenly when we all entered uni.. be it in ntu, nus or smu. Pretty cool !

Went for FLARE(Cheerleading) workshop last friday. It was quite fun, rather tiring and pretty scary in certain ways. i don noe if im ready to commit to the many risks along with it.. it's actually quite dangerous. Going for smux skating this friday! sounds exciting. Backed out for samba masala's auditions last thurs=p.. i want a CCA! oh n i'm joining campus crusade too.

Lessons are alright so far. Hv lessons on Mon, Tues n Thurs. two mods on mon, two mods on tues and one mod on thurs. Sounds slack ah but it's not. tons of projects and meetings in between. i have at least two days when i stayed till 9plus for the past two weeks.. and im sure there will be more of such days to come. It feels like i've been studying for quite long alr.. even tho it's just 3weeks.

so far. my friends are rather awesome.. and i still wanna meet more people! wna make my uni life a BLASTTTT...

okies. i miss my other friends too.. and i hope being in diff uni wont disintegrate us..=/ rather fearful of losing contact. Meeting up with JC mates this sundayy!! =) am excited!

CLAIRE.. when will our sushi tei eating feast be? haha. im cravingggg for it!

okies. tt's for all!

TOODLES!

if it's really that difficult..

2009-08-26T10:09:00.000-07:00

So far away

I miss my childhood friend..

Reading her recent entries after she left and just before she left really made me miss the girl that i knew for more than half of my life time. I miss hanging out with her.. i miss the shopping trips.. the chats we have..

I'm sad...

=(

2009-08-24T08:56:00.000-07:00

Light up, Light it up

Second week into school. First week's not too bad.. got a taste of readings readings n more readings. more coming in.. i am trying to get used to the pace though.

Don noe why i am here. up doing work at 12am. thank God my lessons are in e afternoon. haha.

Cheers!

Ciaozzz~

2009-08-12T23:41:00.000-07:00

Yesteryear

school is starting in DAYSSSSSSS!!

it feels so much like yesterday when i put down that pen, writing that last word which has to be submitted to Cambridge, when i looked at the 8 long months ahead of me and start to plan big things for the future which i never got down to do, when i was wearing NJC ugly grey uniform and eating cai fan with boon, chewyan, pz n company, when i was sleeping and dozing off in lectures and being nudged by boon, when i looked at e results slip and broke down, when i was relieved at the good interview i had at smu, when i was suntanning with jill on at sentosa knowing tt i have all e time in e world to waste and enjoy, when i was going out with friends i love and loving the time we have tgt... i miss e carefree days.. well .. like my Prof say "Life, as you know it, is over"...

i am thankful for cool friends, irritating friends, nice friends i've made=) they make sch seem less scary.. less intimidating.. now, like claire describes it... even holding a pen seemed all weird and unnatural.

2009-08-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

it sucks to be me...

bidding sucks...

BOSS suckss...........

can i get a witness?????

i have one more week... but i am damn not excited.

2009-08-07T03:21:00.000-07:00

Made in perfection

oh myyyy... i LOVE Stella! ok i don noe why i named it that. It's not even a guy's name. HAHAHA.

im unusually high today. a very up n down rollercoaster day. Started out with bidding.. and bids..and pissed off with SPOILERS in the market .. with 0.01 marginal difference i lost one of my bid and won the other. HOW ...happy/sad i am. lol.

called claire up and rant at her. WE ALL HATE BOSS...... everybody is talkin abt smu, sch and bidding now. ahaha. stupid bidding.

okies..no youth today..so i can spend more time with my new love=))))

ftb outing tmr with the peeps at marina.. and then meeting schwazz, shih haur n derek in e evening for more bidding.. MAJOR REARRANGEMENTS NEEDED!

ok byes. GOOD LUCK ALL SMU-ERs to all ur bids! and stop spoiling the market pls!!!!!

2009-08-02T04:48:00.000-07:00

Hands

Friday was appreciating ur leaders and assistant leaders day! Made the cards for max n eugene with michelle, rae, janice n derek on at kfc.. We had fun reliving our childhood days of colouring the block letters using crayons.. When was the last time you coloured with crayons??

Head dwn to church.. There was awesome worship and fellowship downstairs..with pizza, shaker fries and camwhoring=).. Grp shots! Jump shots! Lame shots!.. Haha.

Candle light and sharing part for ps wilson was touching.. How we shed tears and expressed our feelings for our youth pastor..to see that he has indeed made an impact in all our lives.. As he step up for greater things God has for him..we r all happy for him. Big hugs at e end to sign off our wishes and gratitude..=)

Oh..the power of hands. Leave them unmanaged and they become weapons, clawing for power, strangling for survival. But manage them and our hands become instruments of grace -- not just tools of God's hands..but God's very hands..

May all of us..be God's very own hands..

2009-07-29T23:32:00.000-07:00

Gone and back

WOOHOO! i survived the so-called suckiest, toughest, shittiest camp in smu - FTB!!!

It was wayy better than what most of us(in my group) thought..i think because our group was fun and not in the too dead mood. I won't deny the activities can get quiteee frustrating at times but we managed to tide thru them with laughter and fun. so it was actually quite fun in all!=)

The showers got quite bad on the first day..flooded to ur ankles. but the last two days were ok due to the secluded toliets we went to. Food was edible and actually way better than what i heard it was. Sleeping in tents were my first time in 19yrs of life.. and i can actually sleeep. This is the second camp i've ever gone to in my entire life and i must say i am proud to come out alive(but sick)!! i am actually quite addicted to camps..maybe i am a closet sporty person.

Getting my beloved macbook Pro soon!!like realllyyy soon. Jasmine n I asked so many questions n find out so many things abt the deals tt she said it felt lik a project-.- aha. Bidding is starting nxt week and it's really nerve wrecking man. I cant imagine starting school too. Thank God for friends i've made so far..and they are awesome company=)Cant wait for all the outings and Vivace and Freshmen Bash! SMU! =)

i need a white long sleeve shirt n pants or skirt. AND court shoes..oh dear. Convocation-.-

Eeeeekss.. im feeling better from my flu already..tks to the endless sleep. RArrr im working on saturday at holland from 8pm to 1AM..yes 1AM.. i dk hw to survive thru service the nxt day bt i'll try. Had to work..no choice.

okies..outta here.

2009-07-20T23:33:00.000-07:00

Count to Eight

'We have five loaves..and two fishes'..the disciples said

why stop at seven? Why didn't they go on counting? 'We have five loaves..and two fishes..and Jesus!!'

Look above your limitations, circumstances and situations..but fix ur eyes on the One who has the solution.

having ftb on this sunday 26th..till tues. Obs style is so not my style. I hope i will survive. Hopefully claire is hving a gd time at law camp now..haha. Been using my new phone to go online..blogging with phone is quite cool too. Gosh..it's end of july already..debbie is quite nervous abt sch starting. 8mths of hols jus gone lik tt. Oh man. Wells..she's gettin her lappie frm nus soon. Heh. She misses europe again..

Slackin like a couch potato nw.. Dinner later with annika, mum n sis at vivo 'Brotzeit'.

Sunday was really funny.. *STIFFNESS* lol. Ahem. Oh n jill's got a job at 'yogurt place'.. Cool=) but she's gna try for frolick when she's done with Os..heh. Better pay, better uniform(jus an apron n cap..no ugly dry fit shirt), n better benefits.haha. Wooohoo. Hopefully i get to work with her n it'll b so much fun!

Ok ciaozz!

2009-07-15T06:23:00.000-07:00

"Asoc rocks my socks"

Hello people..me is back from camp!! Didn't know i would have that much fun with games, sun, sea, sand n smu=) awesome laughter.

I did what He told me to do.. No more chasing after things.. No more holding onto things that would only crush me. I felt the peace..with just that one thing in mind. What bothered Him was never the accusation, the spits, the betrayal.. Because all He had..was just one thing in mind..which was to complete what He came to do.

2009-07-10T04:10:00.001-07:00

deb the bie is sick. not feeling too good.

2009-07-08T03:56:00.000-07:00

How much would it take?

"you tend to regret most of the time for not keeping your mouth shut"..Max lucado says. Many of us would agree to that. we say things we would want to take back but the truth is sometimes the damage is alrdy done.

So i decided to keep my mouth shut.. i wanted to shoot back but i didn't. I was THIS close to throwing some sarcastic remarks..but i did not.

I thought about Jesus.. He knew Judas was going to betray him and Peter was going to deny him but still He washed their feets. What if we knew what mistakes our loved ones would do to us b4 it happens? could we still love them like we do? Loving the people that u're stuck with.

for You..i will keep my mouth shut. for You.. i will go out there in love. Finger pointers misses the grace of the Father.. they are too occupied with the mistakes of their brothers that they forgot how much they were forgiven when they were in the same position.

2009-07-06T03:43:00.000-07:00

Dark Chocolate

Signed up Sch of acct camp.. decided to just go for it despite my friends aren't going. Well..i shall b brave for this once to make friends in my new environment. BLEAH. FTB camp is end of e month. Acct camp is like this sunday??

Boonie and wanling's bday dinner at Popeyes on friday!=) It was cool.. an all girls dinner with lots of chattering and laughter. I brought one box of Godiva classic for them to eat!! hoho. it was alil melted but tasted good anyways. Boon was still stunned at e pen i gave her..the swarovski pen that she just refuses to use aft i told her dk hw many times to jus use it. haha. the card n presents turned out successful! tks to all my beloved girls! went to marina to play pool with yini n pz.. sme war games turned out quite fun too(: i really like all their company.

Jie jie came to find me and we went for bowlingG!! Hohoh! hvn't bowled in lik 2 yrs or smth.. and i got several strikes! HEHE. v awesome sisterly fun we had=) -hugs-

and my pay check is in! woohoo~

i got my smu student card!! went to matriculate e other day in school. my faculty building is a tad small though. Been hanging out with my fellow school mate- claire lopez. From crescent to njc now smu.. *GASPED*

Anybody noe where to get good prices for macbook pls tell me!

annika is staying at our placeee!!! and she bought LOADS of goodies from germanyyy!! add on to our endless stock from europe.

chocolate block. that yellowdaisy..

2009-06-27T03:55:00.000-07:00

Ear to ear

done with all the crap smu stuffs registration.. camps..what nots. PHhhhewwww.. what a relief.

Movies i've watched - Transformers 2(GOSH..good. the blockbuster every1 is waiting for), Ghosts of girlfriends past, err... mei you liao. haha. i wna watch ICE AGE 3!! and harry potter.

last few months..errr... 1 month ish of holiday left for me.

I was just saying i miss europe. I miss the days i gazed at the tower of Pisa, having gelato and sipping italian coffee, feeding the pigeons in the sinking water town, lay in the soft fresh snow up above 10,000 feet and freezing my ass off, cruising along riverbanks, marveling at Eiffel tower and the Notre dame, looking at old architectures and churches, shopping in Oxford street, driving through the Tower bridge, taking pictures at London Eye, strolling in the hometown of Mozart, admiring the artworks of Leonardo Da Vinci such as Mon Lisa at The Loft, smelling the fragrance of thousands of blooming tulips, having apple pie in Holland, enjoying pork knuckle and sausage in Germany, spontaneously buying and eating strawberries while chilling on a bench and overseeing a splendid view, feeding swans along a beautiful lake with sunset in the background, sipping champagne and wine.... i can go on and on....

what a lovely trip..

and today is saturday.

and i look at how quickly time has past by.. but how it still stays fresh in my mind.

2009-06-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

I don't know when it's going to stop

like Claire, i'm getting freak-ed out by all the deadlines after deadlines for registration.. i don't know what i'm getting myself into.. but i guess i can only trust on divine intervention and earthly friendly support right now.

I guess humans are not simple creatures with simple satisfactions. When you have it, you want more. You chase after what others have while others envy at what you've got.

sometimes i wish i could be busy with things to do with that too..

2009-06-15T08:06:00.000-07:00

why is everyone getting their license so quickly!!?!?

darn.. im struggling with driving man. i think i may just qi si that instructor. I think i almost killed him today when i went so rusty with my driving skills only after one week of stopping the lessons(due to youth camp). i totally panicked out and my brain just couldn't register what's LEFT and RIGHT. ROAR. jer passed her test! GOSH I WANNA PASS MINE ON FIRST TRY TOO.... =( =( i stil hv 5more lessons b4 my test. and my last lesson is on 30th june but my test is on 10july. another one week plus stop.. HOW TO PASSS..... hurrr. and i tink i only know how to park with poles. i hate lowering gears.

Someeboddyyy heLPppppppp....

2009-06-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

Back from youth camp

"You have a strong character. Very strong one. But sometimes it may be positive or negative. You are strong headed towards certains things and God wants you to let it go. God wants you to be strong headed in His values, in His will and be firm in them. It's painful.. to carve and shape a stone into a beautiful jewel.. But hang in there and you will never..Never imagine what God can do in you and thru you.."

The word sank into my heart.. and i just cant stop the tears. i guess for the past year..God taught me really ALOT of stuffs, stuffs tht i never thought i would be capable of doing. I fell.. i stood up.. i walked.. i learnt and God watched. As much as im unwilling.. i don want to let it go.. but i have to. I sat there.. i cried. It hurt.. God knows..

2009-06-01T03:49:00.000-07:00

Green

no matter what.. i know He reigns. No matter how painful it was/is/will be.. i know He will heal.

And i will live to carry Your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet

And i will give with the life that i've been given
and go beyond religion
To see this world be changed.
By the Power of Your Name..

i guess you will never know..

2009-05-31T08:37:00.000-07:00

Hurtproof

it sucks. sure did. it's unbelievably true. a fact that somewhere inside im still trying to reconcile with. but i know none is worth it ..at all.

i wish i can have a big hug now...

2009-05-21T01:27:00.000-07:00

Com(promise)

before i know it.. my holidays are going to end !! OMG. i can die.... i love enjoying time, noticing the slightest change ard, chilling, and basically slacking. i love the past 6mths. knowin tt i can just go out anytime n anyday i want..the liberty n freedom to decide on what i wan to do. how great. i don wan it to end.

SMU or NUS? mind bogging question.

I'm a really slow paced person. i could easily survive without being a busybusybusy girl.. unlike claire who wld rather be packed with things to do. I can find myself other things to be preoccupied e.g to appreciate the passing time. i should just move myself to italy where ppl can sit at Cafes and sip on italian coffee or enjoy Gelato ice cream the entire day.

Frolick is fun.. but i don get to work. believe it or not. Schedules are snatched up as quickly as freebies do. So im working only in 1june onwards..where available slots are. oh but my pay for april is in alrdy.

hanging out with miss lopez ytd was fun! we had dinner twice..once at 4.30..the other at 8. gosh. wad a nice german restaurant.. i got over my fear of western food already=P. we cant wait for the GSS! >.< i better enjoy my hols while i start off the buzzy uni life.

in twinkling of an eye.. youth camp is just ard the corner. i dk what to anticipate from this camp.. but lik BBPF says.. i will go with an open heart, an open mind.

i still cannot come up with any reasons why i'm still in that position

2009-05-18T07:30:00.000-07:00

Just when you never thought..it happened

I guess throughout the years.. i became less emotional as a person. I learnt alot on the use of control and i know how to deal with nasty emotions quite well. As much as i can do that, i wouldn't deny that what happened these few days bothered me quite abit.

16May, i sat there..u talked.. i heard what u've been wanting to ask and tell for the past 6 long years. 6 long years and u handled all of it on ur own. I never, ever knew that i was capable of making sme1 feel this way. I never knew you took it so seriously.. i never knew i hurt u that badly. "Trust me.. you wouldn't rmb it as clearly as i did.." a cold laughter followed. My heart cringed. You said.."i really liked you alot.. i really did. in my heart, i really did think it cld last forever.. I was so sure. I made myself believed. You know..i stil kept the letters. i still rmbed why i liked you..I rmbed the way i looked at you.".... and my heart sank... guilt made me wanna cry right there n then.

Rae&Char's fab 16 in the night. fun, laughter, water bombs, kisses, pictures, cycling to airport, presents, cards, bbq, chicken wings. i had fun and forgot abt some things for awhile.

17 May, she wanted to cry.. she wanted to stop trying. she cld not concentrate.. but she don wan to see it break into pieces. surely it hurt. surely she was disappointed. that little girl was honestly disappointed.

Dvd at Rach's house..with our group of lovely friends..tlkin..laughing..it was awesome awesome FUN. conversation never stops when we gather tgt.

i love my BBPF!! we had awesome fun and awesome chit chat and awesome everything. more of such awesome-ness soon!!! =)

i will love my jie no matter what happens..

2009-05-12T00:19:00.000-07:00

Recap(ture)

ok no pictures on europeland yet due to the massive amount tt we have in the slr. so pls wait patiently till it appears on facebook.

OK! UPDATES!! on the trip.

Day1- PLANE to Rome!! which they call it Roma locally. 12hrs flight was hell. my butt. arrived in Roma local time 8ish am. 7hours diff behind Spore time. oh n on the plane.. lookin out thru the window, i saw mountainous areas and landscapes that amazed me so much. Ice caps, snowy hills, rocky grounds, forested earth... from way up high the view was majestic.. and Praise be to the Creator of that all. I was totally in awe.

ok back on track.. First stop- St Peter's Cathedral!!! Peter the apostle was buried in the cathedral itself and we kinda saw the tomb.

from the outside and top how it looks like. (pictures are from flickr n not taken by us.. just for viewing pleasure and comprehension)

People were QUEUING to get INTO the cathedral and the queue was not short. No skimpy clothings too and no weapons allowed(duhz). security check at the entrance was the one tt's taking alot of time. and there's swiss guards at the cathedral! cool eh. and if u can see how tiny the peopl are compared to the magnificent building.. u can imagine how gi-normous the church is, built entirely using MARBLE, precious stones and metals and GOLD.

From the inside...

if u can again see how SMALL everybody else is compared to the structures.. u will be as breathless as the lin sisters were when we stepped into this church which is in the smallest country in the world, the Vatican city. that big shelter-looking like thing is SO HUGE that u will hv to tilt ur head 180degrees upwards to see the roof of it. and the carvings everywhere esp on the ceilings of the cathedral comprises of gold. it's....completely breath taking. And from the picture.. u realise that the camera cannot capture the entire length of the inside of the cathedral from the floor to the ceiling in a shot.. it's WAYYYYY toooooooo tall a cathedral.

oh and the previous popes were mummified inside the church.

see tt rectangle case below the painting? tt's the pope's tomb. and there's perhaps 10 of that in the entire cathedral. and that painting is not PAINTED.. it sincerely and seriously looks like a painting from far or even near but if u look nearer or with a zoom lens camera.. u can see that it is made up of MOSAICS that is SOOOOOO tiny in each piece of marble tile. tt's why the colours don fade lik paint colours do.

And there's a marble statue just after the entrance of the church by Michael Angelo called "Pieta"..Mary carrying Jesus' body after he died.

Ok enuff of the cathedral!

Next stop - Colossum. on the way to the Colossum.. we passed by the ruins of the gladiators threatre where Christians back then were made to fight beasts as they were prosecuted, which was destroyed by Christians after the religion was accepted. The Colossum was actually a 650 seating amphithreatre where professional gladiators fight beasts and NOT where Christians were prosecuted. and it's multi storey. very fascinating. they are actually re-building some parts of it so some bricks looks newer than the others. our tour manager told us not to talk to any locals because pickpockets were way too many over there..so we walked ard n ignored many italians n act dao. LOL. v strange to be so rude sometimes. oh n entrance is not free so we didnt go in.

Tada! Colossum!

Next stop! temple for worshipping the Gods e.g. God of moon etc. very very nicee building. pics later.

next stop! TREVI fountain!

so much huge-r in real life. pictures seriously don't do justice to any part of Rome. Everywhere is too scenic. haha. the water is directed from the mountains n it's very crystal clear. there was alot of ppl when we were there n italians actually do go there for a bit of sun n chill by the fountain with their friends. it was fRee time! and we had Gelato!!! Authentic italiano Gelato! Awesomee. ok it wasn't fantastic in taste but fabulous when all combines.. who gets to eat Gelato, admire the fountain and skip along the ancient streets of italy?? HEHEH

everywhere our bus went.. u will definitely see how form of ancient preserved ruins..the city wall..govt councils centuries back..lots n lots of fountains. I think we took the most pictures in italy.

Next stop! Spanish steps!!

again another fountan. and the steps are actually where all the massive amt of pple are sitting. this area is where alll the high end shops are located! Gucci, LV, Versace..u name it, they have it. of cuz there's Zara, H&M, miss sixty..etc ard too.

OK finally..we were in time for lunch after Spanish steps. can u imagine? we actually rushed to so many diff attractions from 9am to 1plus 2pm.

Italians LOVE salty food.. and when i say salty...it's salty. they add salt lik we add chilli into our food. i was pretty taken aback at how salty our pasta was. and their pasta is always the starters and not the main course. main course is chicken chop as tough as rock! HAHA. breast meat. europeans only eat breast meat cuz there's enough meat for them. they dislike boney parts. dessert was quite nice. and a can of coke cost u 3euros..!!!!! mineral water is 2.50euro per bottle.

i kinda forget to jote down what happens after lunch..beside some gifts shops..there was nth much special. Oh and Spring weather is chilly!!!!!

ok i tink one day of rome is enough for one blog post. update next time!!! =)

2009-05-11T08:22:00.000-07:00

I am BACK

ok err abit lag in updating la. but for those who have yet to know.. i m back in spore land and im very much bothered by spore's hot weather.

i shall...update more on my trip in details soon enuff. too much to write! lol.

im not feeling too good now. bleahhh.

sometimes it gets really very hard...

2009-04-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

Europe Land

TMR and the Lins ladies will be flying off to ROME(1st stop) at 1am[check in at 11pm]!!!! ROME! leaning tower of Pisa!!! BEAT THAT! HAHA

i am EXCITED for my first trip to the european side and gasp at it's magnificence. hoho. ya ya Gifts i will rmb for all of my furry friends out there in singapore land.

Current Status: frantic packing and overwhelming excitement.

let me do a quick update...

Frolick experience was great..working in F&B industry seems rather fun. though tiring, i kinda love my job. though i hv to stand for 6hrs in a shift, i like the free flow of yogurt too. haha. Tks to Miah who dropped by on the 21st to visit me and SARAH who came today!! hehe. i was so happy=) and a yellow rose made my day...(:

Driving is getting alot alot better. im actually bored out alil.

tmr i hv my last shift from 2-6 at t1 b4 i go to changi t3 at night. hehe.

you text suddenly and i was shell shocked.. after such a long while and i definitely did smile=)

OK CIAO!!~~ *muacks* to all my lovely friends and see u guys in two weeks!!

and.. she rmbs that you played it for her.. and you still rmb that she wants to see the eiffel tower.

2009-04-19T06:58:00.000-07:00

Still very amazed

debbie is in love with the white lion.. hehe

panic panic panic attacks.. tmr's interviewww.. gosh. why m i so nervous!?

debbie will leave no room for regrets cuz she hates them..

debbie will do great and her brand new braceless smile will help her boost her confidence level.

debbie is GOOD .. God is alivee...

AHHH!!!!!!!

okok.. breathe. u can do it. u always do so well in oral exams in sec sch n u make ur nonsense sound so logically and u are always so confident of crapping ur way thru. u can do it... u can do it..

hmmm. i just recalled on Easter sunday when barnabas(is it?) played the violin..what a lovely piece of music from that lovely wooden instrument. ok random-.-

ok i will sleep early and look my best tmr.

debbie remembers that you play the violin too..

2009-04-12T07:34:00.000-07:00

Beautifully imperfect

the perfect imperfections

the majestic white lion..

i had a cool 19th this year!

9th April - Melt, The World Cafe!! hoho. with da jie, da ge, shu ai n franklin.. gorging on delicious food at Mandarin Oriental. Seafood, indian food, jap food..wow it was GOOOOOD!! 10 types of cheese at e cheese station, many types of bread, 6 jars of different olive oils, 5 choices of mustard, a waffle station, a chocolate fountain... i ate to the FULLEST man! hehe. 70per pax but 1 dines free for 3paying for UOB!=)

met shu ai b4 e buffet n we were so hungry n tired from walking tt we sat somewhere to chit chat(alot) n camwhore with her fisheye. I love her CARD! handmade! she fooled me with the fake polariod=.=. oh wells..tks girl!=) and for sharing e cost of my meal with franky! =)

10th April- Good friday!! service was goooood. everytime i watch e passion of Christ clips.. i nv fail to hv tears in my eyes. how our Saviour went thru all the shame, suffering, pain that he didnt even hv to bear.. one who is sinless and perfect took all upon himself. not only did he not fight back the strokes nor nails.. he was quick to ask the Father to forgive those ppl. Sometimes we all forget how much it took Jesus to be hung on the cross.. we forget how much we mean to him and the love he has for all mankind.

Good friday bash! pictionary was awesome fun! there was twister and wii games! hurrhurr. wii boxing was tiring. Da ge came to surprise me at midnight! with the card tt he made n both da jie n him wrote. AWWwwwww...honestly i felt so LOVED by them. hehe. my present was hidden inside the cool folded card! TOPSHOP VOUCHER! WOOTS! and i was made to turn n turn n turn to read da jie's msg n read from reflection for da ge's. lol. TKS! muacks! i love u both!

Seh, rae, char, bec n sam shared a present for me too. i was given 19x4 tight slaps all over me past midnight..it was painful!!!! hahaa. but tks girls..=) i LOVE THE BRACELET!! seh's way of telling the 'story' makes it even more hilarious. haha.

11th april(my bday) - met my classies!! hoho! pz nv fail to make me laugh so much n the conversation at the table nv stops when we meet up. heh heh. dinner was at fish&co n they bought me cool gifts! i cld do alot with those masks. hehe. n maltesers-.-..so i wil stop eating boon's-.- HAHA. i adore e earrings! heh. tks!

12th april(tdy)- EASTER SUNDAY!! got a lovely easter egg from jill n my present=) hehe. which was lovely~! lalala.

went sushi tei with jie after service cuz ecafe's herbal chicken does not entice me. LOL. some 'grocery' shopping then after was funny. hurrhurr. cant wait to try out the cool thing. haha!

went out for dinner with family for some western food. rather downgraded quality but oh wells.

ok tt basically summarised my days out.

roarrrr... all the shifts have been taken up n i cant work. RAH.

k byes.

2009-04-07T04:22:00.000-07:00

Hey all ! I'm a Frolick girl!! woo! free flow of yogurt for me from now and my family members*pokes sister*!

i got A JOB!! -smiles- ahh my arm is still sore from the stupid jab that every employee from F&B industry has to take. Training n interviews were chop-chop fast. now i can work with peixi!=) met some girls there n they were pretty nice too(:

[quoting from jill's blog] - Oh yes, I MUST add. Deb the Bie is getting a job. I was stunned for quite a few seconds then pretty excited. I dont know. Its unfamiliar but cute. (: HEHE, cos once upon a time, not so very very long ago, Deb the Bie didnt know how to take buses to places. And now she's getting a job and she'll gimme free yogurt when I visit cos she loves me as much as I love her. Awwwwwwwwww. Hehe, Im so excited for her, I dno why.
PS: I MISS YOU AUNTY. GUESS WHAT DAY IS SATURDAY!!! Mwack Mwack. :D

HEHE! yea.. i guess she's one of the very FEW ppl tt notice tt i've grown up alot in a not very long time.. from a girl who does not noe hw to take buses to some1 who actually works. tks.. i am so touched u realised tt im not what they call.."Spoilt".

another main point in that quoted paragraph is .. SATURDAY!!! MY BIRTHDAY!! omg i m so excited to hang out with my classies. this week will be the best.

Thurs will be a wonderful International Buffet spread at Mandarin Oriental, Melt-The World Cafe!

Friday will b Good Friday Bash in church n i sincerly hope i stil hv energy to go out on 11th after not sleeping or smth.

ok tt's abt it.. VIST ME AT WORK!!! i dk when im workin yet cuz of the slots thingy so i will inform my buddies n pals n girlies when its cfm so u guys can visit me=)

toodles!

2009-03-27T22:48:00.000-07:00

It's in 2 weeks!!!(: !! A day after Good Friday and i'll be officially 19... look at how i've aged with grace. HAHA

Met up with Claire on wed for shopaholic movie!!! It was funny, cute n sweet at the same time. though Luke wasn't as cute as i imagined him to be but younger than wad i thought. Becky's role was played well!! bimbotic, shopping crazy, talking mannequins, Denny n George scarf, high fashion, quick witted girl with her crazy bestfriend Suze.

Thurs was with peixi to the icy cold marina sq. I got my studded belt!(= in black. brown one is nice too... mmm. n for once she didnt buy anything. hurhur.

ytd Radi8 was quite fun!(= we had station games. i cant believe we actually broke Derek's grp's record of 5secs. hahaha. lalalala. the longest link one ours were over 200+ steps! i had a good laugh indeed.

anxiously waiting for that call.. those calls...

today is saturday. dajie n i will b heading down to da ge's dance concert later in the evening!(: hoho.

ok ciaoz.

two times that question was asked.. and twice i answered "i don't know".. perhaps it's not really because i don't know.. but i don't understand what type of emotion it is called already..

2009-03-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

Breathless

i just read a gazillion forums on smu acct interviews, smu/nus/ntu cultures n whatnots, stress levels, acceptance n rejection letters, appeal, grade profiles... OMG................ honestly, im freaking out.

i will get done with the applications online by tmr(left smu), head out to post my papers n pay the fees at atms. and wait for the fateful call for interviews (smu acct) n go for it b4 it clashes with my europe trip and do kick-ass excellent in the interview n get accepted. i need prayers..alot alot of prayers.

smu ppl... pls tell me tt u all r not snobbish lik wad cy describes or i may just die.

claire is freakin out lik i do too.. but i guess with her grades, she will b able to go where she desire. i hope we both can end up in the same sch(slim chance bt im hoping).

-breathe in-

I'm beginning to wonder if what i think of you is the real you.. and what i once felt from you was the real you or was it all pretence and made up at the early stages.. if it is, you've managed to scare me a fair bit. true enough, as i begin to see every part of that lovely packaging peeling apart,it's revealing the different you. it's scary.. scary to think that packaging actually fooled me..still fooling me. mayb..after all.. i don even noe you..

i'm gettin quite tired of rejecting ppl and dates.. =/

2009-03-19T23:25:00.000-07:00

256 is a long time

I'm so busy these days(my sis will stare at me with a -.- expression whenever i say tt).. tt's y it's been awhile since i've blogged.

AHHH... every A level graduate is fussing over the applications right now.. omg they r killing me. well i completed the nus n ntu one. ntu i think i closed my eyes n completed them.. couldn't be bothered actually.. i dk if i shld pay the appl fees(since im nt interested in ntu). well i hope i can mail out my papers n pay em fees by next week. i need to complete the smu one!!!! ARGH.

Updates!!

been hanging out with px alot recently n tt spells alot of shopping too(omg). last tues, wed AND thurs was spent with her n sme crazyyyy retail therapy. Num is going for 1for1 promo! who can resist? queen's couture, c&k, topshop r hving salesss(last week tho). the economy is perhaps really tt bad. n far east has plenty of good deals. the nice vintage shop at the fourth floor has been our fav hangout. Lol.

wed jill came over at 1230.. we went to the warehs sale for awhile..bought some tops at 5bucks each(!!!) wad a steal. head to kovan to buy groceries n hv lunch. came back n we baked lava cake!! they were quite ok.. shall try more recipes nxt time. slacked on the couch n we both fell asleep.. woke up at 5 n watched baifenbai. n then she left at 6ish.

best part of the week was ytd! cuz.. i FINALLY MET UP WITH MY LOVEeeeeee!! *screams* it has been forever since we hang out. i really miss that S.. *HUGs*

met S at wisma for lunch at whisk cafe. i adore their aglio olio.. it's fab. then we head to shop ard alittle n i bought my cap while S freeload on my topshop 30%.. hehh=) it was a good buy tho. we didnt shop alot.. was basically catching up n all n i realise how much i miss that comfortable feeling whenever im with tt childhood buddy of mine. I truely had alot of fun despite tt short 4hours of meet up. Then we went to see some wallets..picard or goldlion? mmmmm. anyways.. it's been awhile since i've felt so happy n familiar. catch up again really soon!

then i met peixi at 5... shopped abit. we were insanely strange .. talking abt chinese words at sushi tei n laughin our heads off at her poor memory of writing chinese characters. trying heels at mondo n getting pissed off at lousy customer services. me laughing at her shrunken stomach n machine like motion. trying tons of clothes n her demanding me to choose btwn e grey or black. it was yet another familiarity.. i always thought abt e way we laugh so much tgt when we were still lil kiddos. awesome memory

Peixi: what!? ur family has 3 cars!?
Deb: errr ya!? i thought u knew? my dad's car, silver one n e xiao huang.
Peixi: what...what xiao huang??
Deb: HUH! u mean u still dk abt xiao huang's existence!?
Peixi: ehhhhH! YELLOW! (excites over her fav color).. wow cool.. then where's ur BMW?
Deb: ........
Deb: HELLO! it was scraped dk hw many eons ago.. *smacks her*

tt's my cool fren.

oh n hw cld i forget the best victory of last week.. LIVERPOOL TRASHED MANU!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. hw awesome was tt match at franklin's place. 4-1.. FOUR ! MWAHA. i think tt's e first time i jumped up from the couch so excitedly n shouting "GOALLL!!!!" for four times. hehehe. too bad red devils.

yay imma meet claire nxt week for our shopaholic movie date!! I CANT WAIT FOR THE SHOW. ok toodles

hands strumming those strings..

2009-03-09T00:32:00.000-07:00

An Average But Better

Being perfect is an imperfection itself

So 6thmarch came n went just in a blink. The anxiety tt morning was suffocating.. even Island Creamery's ice cream doesn't tempt me into finishing my double scoop of nutella n ReverSo. It was cy, yini, mich, rach n me.. sitting there with our tummies in a knot n blabbering nonsense as the time ticks away..

1330pm we set off to sch.

1400pm we finished lunch n sat at our usual spot by the pond.

1430pm the principal starts to talk. phototaking with the geniuses in our sch. my mind was basically off everything tt's happening ard me.

1445-1500pm was pure agony. no doubt i was disappointed.. no doubt my tears clouded my vision n i simply couldn't b bothered by who's ard or not. all i knew is i didn't get what i wanted..when others did exceptionally well. all i knew is my heart dropped n it was painful. but no doubt.. i still felt that peace in me..

It was a peace.. so serene.. calming my raging sea. i knew i was upset but i cannot deny that i felt thankful that it was an all distinctions.

I stayed up late in bed on friday thinkin abt my "average" working out best. Contradictory? yes.. but absolutely possible n logical. I kept talking to Bigdaddy.. And He never stopped telling me.. never stopped comforting me.

Then, my mind went back to a prayer i once prayed. I needed a direction.. i wanted a specific guidance.. I needed a sign. So in fact, my prayers were answered.

i thought..... "Given 7As, so?? i will still end up doing business(i think) given my lack of interest in all other courses. But given 7As n the nature of who i am(indecisive n easily confused by choices), i can be almost 99% sure tt i will b so tempted to take up Law or Dentistry or.. well whatever that doesn't suit me but can b open to me."

Hmmmmm.. now that i don hv the superior decision making entitled.. my choices are rather narrowed down n hey! less thinking for me! and definitely lesser probability of making a wrong decision. And then.. i smiled n went to bed.

Saturday at SMU open house.. my worries went up alittle, accompanied by quite a substancial level of insecurity with all the 6As, 7As ard me. but then, the peace never went away. Had dinner with chewyan at Shokudo then dessert at Ochacha was fun.. talkin abt our feelings, the 'barrier', frustrations n what not.. n i shared my point of view..

I reckon that God knows who needs wad and who don't need wad. I might not get as many As as i intended..who doesn't desire all As ?? Of course i want.. but.. an "A" is really a limited edition.. There's only a certain number of ppl who can get an A.. Bell curve decides ur standing n not exactly e score itself. If i get an A, someone out there gets deprive of one. Someone else needs the A more than i do.. there might b someone else who just need tt one more A to realise the dream of becoming a doctor or get into Law or even be able to go uni. He knows tt one more A i wanted suits someone else better. . Not at the expanse of me of cuz since i can still get into business anyway. so.. why sulk over smth tt.. u won't need in e end???

So then on.. Debbie is a happy girl=). She knows her Bigdaddy will take care of her.. He is more than enough!! :) PRaise be to God! She really feels tt joy burning inside of her and no one else can provide tt joy except You. the joy tt last.. the joy tt cannot fade. hehehe.

UPDATES!!

ytd dinner was so nerve wrecking for someone else but a good laughin session for me. HAHA. well im happy for Barney the dino n her Dino man anyways. GOOD SEAFOOD!(: n awkward fellowship at times. HAHA. HEHEHEHEH. cool.

You who calm the raging sea.. that came crashing over me..

2009-03-05T03:22:00.000-08:00

Nervous is an Understatement

106days of waiting. . .

2 years of effort, determination, tears and joy. . .

when everything concentrates into a sheet of paper, when frames of your hardwork is translated into an international recognition . . .

To me, it all felt like i'll be handed a tin can of unknown and a can opener on the 6th of march.. what i can do is just to open it.

Finally.. here comes the day.. the day that all has to come face to face..

the hour when your heart will thump the hardest, the minute when your palms will freeze, the second when your eyes will stop blinking.

It still has to come..

2009-02-25T22:09:00.000-08:00

A Ginormous hug

i think this picture is really cool. but i may just faint if im the girl.. standing so near an aquarium is an impossible feat for me. i was looking through the phobia list and i think i hv the following phobias.

1. Apiphobia(fear of bees)
2. Chronomentrophobia(fear of clocks)
3. Coulrophobia(fear of clowns [OMG yes pls])
4. Mottephobia(fear of moths)
5. Pediophobia(fear of dolls)
6. Fear of aquariums .. but apparently there isn't such under the list.

and there's actually a Pantophobia(fear of everything) existing!!! HAHAHA tt's very hilarious.

and there's phobophobia(fear of phobias) HAHA..

ok ahem. arghhh my asos stuffs was sent back cuz they claimed tt no1 collected or was ard. Wad the. i'm so mad. i wasted the shipping fees which cost 20pounds.. POUNDS.

ytd went vivo with Claire to catch the show "He's just not that into you". it was a cute, funny, nice show.. with amusing quotes. i like it!

“if a guy treats you like he doesn’t give a s--- it’s because he really doesn’t give a s---.”

"An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of “ruining the friendship.”

“I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.”

"it's only when i make you happy, then i'll get a shot at being happy"

haha these are my favourites.

and at the end of the movie.. Gigi(one of e character) round it up with this paragraph tt's really nice...

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs[me: ahem jill..] and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment.. you never gave up hope."

ok CIAO!



it was just the muffin and me.

2009-02-18T23:52:00.000-08:00

3 ways

"You can be as mad as a mad dog.. you can curse and swear at fate.. but when it comes to the end..you just have to let it go" - Benjamin Button

i haven't blogged for 10days despite the fact tt im rather free.

signed up for some focus group thing n i hope i can earn some fast cash.. signed up for a few jobs too n i hope i get their replies!

updates..

loveday: met my loves for "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" .. the show was so long i think my butt was numbed. it's a show w/o much plot so basically.. a slow paced movie tt u hv to slowly digest on ur own. i hv to applaud hollywood for their make up skills.. they can actually make brad pitt look like he's in his 20s!

went off to franky's in e evening for Wii with e guys.. video is up on facebook!! (: had a hilarious night esp watching them play Wiiwf. -laughs- i had fun(:

17th feb & 18th feb: met up with peixi..nice catching up n all.. walking ard n talkin abt stupid things, laughin at random issues was fun like always. i guess workin at topshop is a tough task la. lol.

oh! n i met up with claire last thurs to get our bags. this little funny woman was so happy after she got her yakpak.. LOll.. n now she's fretting over her ballerina flats-.- haha! AHH rmb our shopaholic movie date! it's out on march 26th! anyways, we went to watch the wedding game too.. spontaneous decision. it was.. alright.. 3.5 stars i will give.

im gettin my results soon n im freaking out by nightmares n whatnots. eeks!

i need a tan soon. anybody?????

haven't hang out with jill in eons.. = (

n i hvnt got my treat from boon.. who is currently still down with flu. boooo.

chewyan! let's go explore more hidden nice eating places! haha! it was fun the other time.

i want a yacht birthday party.

i stil hv the habit of re reading my posts.. n sometimes it doesn't feel lik certain things has happened 1 or even 2 years ago.. how time flies n how we age is rather..amusing. how certain memories don't fade.. how i spoke n think differently as compared. how changes are good.

ciaoz~

wow.. how i envy..

2009-02-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

For good

"i never allowed myself to regret.. so i always gave my best. so.. i will not have the chance of looking back and saying any -oh i should have..- "

Cny is ending in tmr! just came back bout an hour plus ago from my end-of-cny dinner.. tho it's not the 15th today. the dinner for 12 was an outstanding sum of 1399$!! Omgg.. tt's like a dslr.

eeks. claire's been going for interviews.. i shld sign up with MOE soon or go look for some childcare/kindergarden teacher thingy=)

met up with my loves on 7th!(: rach went missing for an hour cuz she didn't bring her phone..so she ended up at clarke quay mrt waiting while all of us were at cityhall. tks to zac who knew where she was waiting at. pitstop was fun! Ugly doll, Snortal, Spyvalley, Halli Galli.. after 2hrs of gaming, cy, mich n i decided to check out the Tom's palette ice cream palour! (: it's.. not bad.. i still prefer Udder's though it's much cheaper. Head to Bugis for dinner and some shopping.. went home with a full bodyache.. i wonder wad's wrong with debs anatomy. haha.

Endure.. endure... endure.. endure... EnDuReEee...

i shall go for a run every twice a week from now on.. exercise is good for ur body.

oh and.. 1 more month people... 1 more month.. >.

i wan to watch brad pitt's new movie.. Loveday!!

i can't believe it's Feb already and i haven't decide between Taiwan or Europe. It's both winter now and France is inaccessible! -frowns- maybe i shall revisit Aussie !

tuesday!! bag day!

k ciao~!

i think i know ..but i know that you don't know i know or perhaps you don't know what i know.

2009-02-02T01:57:00.000-08:00

Finally out of bed..

Hi everyone. im finally not bedridden. the couch, bed have been my best buddies for the past 4days or so. and my 'exciting' diet of plain porridge every meal..occasionally with minced meat(if my tummy is lucky enough to feel better to digest more). when i say PLAIN.. i mean PLAIN. sigh..

BIG thanks to those who messaged me and prayed for me.. i appreciate ur kindness and faith=)

i think it could be a viral attack.. dk wad type but the fever was on n off.. i wonder why m i so prone to fever.. i just had one durin church camp.. and which i puke-ed too. my throat is still swollen.

hopefully, prayerfully, i can go back to NJ tmr to visit my beloved teachers and laugh at those who just started sch. HAHAHA. ok vee lame. n of cuz the omelette and island creamery!

ok updates:

mon aka chu yi: shu ai, miah n my da ge came over at night n we had so much fun. haha. i still can laugh so hard at the hide n seek part.. yes we actually played hide n seek!!!!! in the house. of cuz not with the lights on. it gets pretty dark n pple hide in the most absurd places.. my sis curled up in a corner n i took quite awhile to find her la! LOL. tks guys i had fun=)

tues aka chu er: relatives came over to my house.. had bbq n buffet. took some cute pictures of my cuteeeeeee nieces n nephews playing by the pool. hurhur. and the couple who helped with bbq-ing the satays*ahem*.

thurs: went out with claire to watch bride wars!!! it's funny how mean girls can get if u provoke them. HAHA. it's a funny show but i wouldn't say it's fantastic or worth a second watch. fell sick soon after n body ache so much tt i struggled to finish my seafood lazagne(hw to spell tt) at coffee club. my sis had to come n fetch me to the docs at ard 6ish. SORRY CLAIRE!!!.. i promise we'll go out n hv fun again n i'll stay healthy.. Ok???

fri, sat, sun was spent.. i dk.. recovering? oh n today too.

oh n i went over to the kwee's on sunday night to collect my contacts. it's pretty nice!=) just tt i hate the hving to put it in n take it out part.

i felt quite disappointed actually.. not the first time.. so maybe u thought i could just get used to it. sighh. i couldn't believe what i heard.. i couldn't believe u did smth like that. i tried not to convince myself cuz i thought i knew who u were. but yes.. since it's not worth it.. maybe i should just get rid of it at once.. it will hurt i guess.. because im not you.. i can feel pain and i'm real enough to admit.

she's right...

and you didn't even ask.......at first.

2009-01-25T06:45:00.000-08:00

Super human

Lunar new year eve!!! chu xi ye! haha. im back from reunion dinner. all bloated and full. let me summarize my day!

church-ed. stayed till 2.30 before we had our lunch at far east carl's junior with kelvin, miah and me.. my sis n shu ai joined us later. off to wisma and kel bought his jeans. walked ard n it was 445 alr! so rushed home to video ezy to rent some dvds=) devil wears prada, pride n prejudice and house bunny! haha. the person there was so funny.. he say he's been receiving gazillon phone calls regarding their operating hours tt he shld just record a voice mail. LOL.

and there's actually lil nyonya dvd!!!! OMG.

head to liang court for dinner with grams n all. my tummy's been giving me alot of trouble today.. hurts soo badly tt i lost my appetite.

i think i've just witness a miracle abt an hour ago. i have to record it down because it's such a historical moment..-looks to my sister-

we were BOTH stunned.. stunned at the calmness.. shocked at the some what coolness and of cuz taken aback by the invitation on top of it all. it was like the cherry of an already awesome sundae. like.. WOW! MIRACLE FROM GOD! i once said tt it would be as imaginably impossible as the parting of red sea.. but it happened before our eyes indeed. that i felt so hit right in my face, accompanied by the still small voice.."ha.. SEE! I told you all things are possible.. it wasn't as difficult as it seemed right?" yes yes.. "ye of little faith." we should BOLDLY hv faith. God does has His own sense of humour. haha.

And another learning point from tt was.. "The Process". it didn't come with the snap of fingers. it took a year of waiting and faith, not giving up and much perseverance. like Job. He persevered and he saw what the Lord eventually brought about. and it reassured what Ps. Ong said " miracle is a process. not a magic trick." it takes time to take shape n finally be revealed. you can say tt i was utterly in awe of the way God put things into place.. and of cuz fantastically elated for my sister !! -hugs-

For me, i think i need to learn and work on the meaning of "waiting" and "patience". i'm never really good at it. rushing to see things happen, eagerly wishing things to 'pop' into place. God showed me His marvellous ways again=) .. true enough, it doubles up the happiness when the wait is worth while.

and finally.. it's a happy ending (:

2009-01-18T05:12:00.000-08:00

Second star to the right

"Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering"

hello all. i realised Good Friday(april 10) is ONE day BEFORE my BIRTHDAY!(April 11th)!! coolios.

updates:

14jan - phuture-d. i'm nv going again. HAHA. not in awhilez i guess.

16jan- dumb lessons that got me rather discouraged and doubtful abt my 'talent' in driving manual cars. i think i might be able to do... vectors better than the clutch. LOL

Radi8-ed.. cell has begun once again. learnt quite abit about "The Process" and "Going beyond the Expected". i guess it was all God ordained=)

pretty much bummed at home these few days.. would be slight buzzy this week. with dental n if possible, a haircut and meeting up with my LOVELIES once more!=) and of cuz em lessons too.

attempts in finding a job is not fruitful. ahhh rae n seh r betting i wont work in the end. BOO. haha.

One thing God told me last week tt sank into my heart was a phrase.."Only ONE". i was sitting somewhere(i forgot where), staring and i started thinking again. and i thought abt every friend being just that only friend u're going to meet.. none will be the same.. there's only ONe of him or her in this world. and i hear a still small voice saying..

"ya.. like there's only just ONE you too". and i felt that phrase giving me such a surge of warmth in me. i felt so peaceful. God's love.. there's only ONE lin meimei debbie that's going to exist ever.. no more replicas, no repeats, none backorders. similar ones but never identical. God treasures me.. cares for me.. im so precious and there's only going to be ONE me.

i thought about my love for every friend i have and His love. the same.. i have only ONE God.. ONLY one.. never again will i find anyone like Him. Not ever. No clones..No photocopy.

i feel so fortunate to be God's "ONly one" debbie lin.. His child.. His love... =)

and then it doesn't matter so much now..

2009-01-15T05:39:00.000-08:00

Not that into it

"How did you overcome what has happened?"

"You just become someone else"

- The Brave One

"I always believed that fear belonged to other people. Weaker people. It never touched me. And when it did. And when it touches you, you know.. that it's been there all along. Waiting beneath the surfaces of everything you loved." -The Brave One

2009-01-11T07:00:00.000-08:00

Oh dear..

had a great week!=)

6/1, met boonie! at wisma. for shopping. well.. for present shopping but we ended gettin rach to buy the present. hehe. TKS rach! =) -hugs- had fun n walked ard. hoho.

8/1, met boon again a bishan library to make chewyan's little card. ok not little. haha. i love the pods! the cubicle that sticks out from the wall..ok i v sua gu. haha.

9/1, met boon AGAIN.. at SPCA.. played with the cute pups n doggies.. ok la pat them n all. hehe. i love lukas! apple is adopted liao.. so is thunder. the three black pups were soo lovely!

10/1, met my loves!!!! *ahhh* i LOVE every single one of them from our gang. it's so good to get tgt again, listening to hw pz disciplines her kindergarden kids n the laughable punishments etc, joking ard.. awesome funness! hehe. we even decided to meet fortnightly. heh. TAIWAN TRIP!!! -calling out to rach, pz, cy n mich!- WE MUZ GO!

11/1, jie went for lunch with ps wil so i went with the youth for lunch. is it e first time im alone? haha. tks jane.. u rock. haha. nice chats n fun talks(:

7/1, i feel guilty.. y can't u just go away?? ok i shall not be mean. i will nv feel comfortable ard u.. u dont get it. i tried once and it only became clearer how the 2hours actually felt out of place.. out of ease.. out of comfort zone. Once is.. enough.

yay! im going out with my other love tmr.. haha. whoo!

JOB.. i wan a job. tt pays more than 6bucks per hour and don need to work weekends.. (ok don throw stones at me) hahha. i shld just go get my resume done first or smth.

k toodles!!

2009-01-01T03:26:00.000-08:00

First day of new year

Running through the fire

When there's nothing left to save

It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

Dec31st: decided not to stay at home so went to meet the guys at 5.. head down to bugis for some great mango sago. miah, jerome, dj, nj, jj, charleen, eugene...errr cant rmb who else liao was there. HAHa. den went to ps..the place changed aLOT.. or perhaps i hvn't been there for quite sometime. then intend to go aston but was darn crowded so ate at foodcourt instead. head back to church at 9 for watchight service.

after watchnight, all went to my place for games night=) pictionary part was FULL of screams, shouts, laughter n fun. LOL. guys vs girls team. we won!! =P

i slept at like 7...after maccas breakfast. i rmb last yr we had this gathering at our hs too. lol.

woke up at 3... skipped lunch.

i was so boliao tt i re-read all my 08 posts.. somewhat like a review. it was more ups n downs than i thought.. certain things i wrote back thn i knew i wouldnt hv said if im the me now.. n things i would hv done if i still had e chance. but "would hv"s don exist so.. what's left is just history.

You cant play on broken strings

You cant feel anything

that your heart dont wanna feel

i can't tell something that ain't real..

yay soon i'll get 200bucks more per month=)

and i shld go get a job... any events company wanna hire me???

k bored.

i'm not a princess..

2008-12-30T08:39:00.000-08:00

the last day of Christmas

Dec31st...last day of 2008!!!

i read jill's blog. AWWWWww..... gave me a urge to blog.

2008 has been a..rough year. It felt like im stuck on a rollercoaster which i cant get off. sometimes up, others dip down.. it all has it's seasons.

the year i entered Jc2, facing all the load and stress on my shoulder to excel in my studies.. countering all the sleepiness, the pressure, the tutorials, the lectures, the what-nots. I thank God that there wasn't dramas between my friends and i while im in college, unless my sec sch days.

the year i grew up stronger and learnt to rely alot more on God's provision of love.

the year my days can be living hell and the next moment, i can smile. The battle with A levels, intertwined with splendid class times n outings, lame jokes from my lovelies and cool teachers. It's been the best and the worst year.

the year i became a crybaby n then grew outta it. the year i realised my friends ard me cared so much abt hw i feel..

the year i felt God's strength ever so real.. His footprints in the sand..

the year i sat by the bay with two awesome friends, chatting till the dawn break.

the year i build on my faith.. put in my effort and what's left in my hands into doing His work, sowing seeds into hearts.

the year i gained a da ge named Kelvin.

the year i came to pay more attention to my friends and want to love them more.

the year i learnt how to drive

.....

Thank you, Boon.. Chewyan.. all my class lovelies, namely wl, jer, yini, meimei, jm, pz, rach, mich. you guys made a HUGE difference in my life. so much to say..how limited the english vocab is to express what's deep inside of me. i appreciate every single friendship i've forged in NJC.. and i want all of them to remain! if any of u all read this, pls rmb.. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!

Thank you, Jill.. my lil niece..my lil sister. haha. tks for the suntanning, shopping, emoing sessions thru out these years.. i literally watched u grow up from this lil bean! and now u're heading towards turning 16 in 2009.. SCARY. though sometimes i need to nag at u alot n scold u(if u don listen) and occasionally flare up(due to ur irritation..hee), u noe i LOVE YOU to bits! we may nt be in the same generation(tt explains y u call me ur aunt), but the mere 3yrs gap really knit us close tgt... i thank God for bringing me later and u earlier to this earth so tt we can be just like sisters..=)

Thank you, Da Jie.. wo de Da jie.. it's incredible sometimes to think of how God actually choose two person to become blood related siblings.. and it's for sure once in a lifetime. It's been a blessing! to be the smallest in the family.. hehe. i know u'll always take my hand while jaywalking a busy road(if u happen to b beside me), i know u'll buy my lunch for the umpteenth time(if i pester u), i know u'll not stay angry with me even if i piss u off, i know u'll buy the crispy fish snack for me if u pass by any pasa malam( n if u rmb), i know u'll smile when u read this.. and i know.. u love me=)

Thank you, you.. for blessing me with awesome entries and God-anointed opinions.. tho u'll nv read this. HAHA.

Thank you, Shufu-Aifai.. for being my friend and i'll rmb the fun n awesome times we have together always. the laughter, the craziness.. whatever it will be in the future.. thanks alot for making a difference.

Thank you, pal..

Thank you, bro... for not switchin ur laptop off at all for a week, for sitting there with me while i cry, for making me smile from time to time..

Thank you, Da ge.. for being my da ge and being so sweet to buy me chocolates during my stressful mugging period, the encouraging smses, the pats-ur-head, the offer to be there for me if i need some1 to talk to.. oh tks for letting me play with ur camera!

Thank you, Claire lopez.. for still hanging out with me even after we graduated from crez. haha. it's been awesome knowing a rich friend like you whose dog feeds on salmon. HAHA. ok ahem. i will always rmb ur non-black hair, ur lameness(affected by me), our wonderful days as classmates in crez n sch mates in NJ, and our day outs! we muz keep contacting till.. we grow old! I LOVE YOU!!

Thank you, Shann.. for not forgetting tt i exist even tho we don hang out alot these days. i sincerely miss u alot sweetie!! i wna play basketball in the arcade again with u!!! hehe. i wna go shopping with u and share secrets n update on every detail of our lives with u. just wna say u will always be my lovely childhood friend! may this friendship last forevermore=)

(if ur name isn't up there.. pls don cry.. cuz im too tired to continue. hurr hurr.)

ok.. TOODLES! its late..

2008-12-28T07:41:00.000-08:00

Christmas

lalalala~ the production is over!!! omg.. it was a BLAST!=) we all had so much fun. taking pics, the energy on stage, the nervous wrecking seconds b4 going up on stage... wow..i LOVE the stage despite hving toe cramps being too nervous. HAHA wah i'm so lousy. more productions of such!=)

Christmas eve n Christmas day ..oh n Christmas eve's eve was spent all in church.. rehearsing n run thru n the final shows. i enjoyed myself entirely and even while performing.. deep down i really wish ppl could see our passion for Jesus n our dance was just for Him=) i really pray tt we could touch lives with the smile on our faces, with the exploding energy we had, the effort we put into making this happen.

TKS sis!! =) for making me part of the core team..

TKS my kids! (they will nv read this) but well.. they were annoying at times but i had fun with them all. so proud to see them dance n rmbing the steps i taught them on stage. hehehe. BIG SMLIE. worth while=)

TKs to all who made it happen, helped out in a way of another.. u guys did great!!

Christmas party at aunty nancy's hs was cool too=) tho i wasn't part of the music team but i've been going for the 2nd year alr. hurr hurrr=P. i had fun. the food was great n the fellowship was nais. hoho! awesome. watched ipman(eep. mun) with some later on at amk hub.. tho i detest martial art flims but this one is pretty cool.

i thought it wldn't be tt good but it somehow all fitted well into place this Christmas=) despite the lack of christmas-y feeling... i had my fill of blessings=)

Friday was nuts. i've nv been in quite a situation b4... hate this. oh well.. blame on me tt i lost my cool. tks deb, miah, gid, seh, da jie, char, shu ai, da ge, jane.. pple do care!

Sat was nuts too.. in a happy impulsive way. haha. LOL. uh ohhh. -winks at da jie-. black angus was nais! but once in a blue moon wld be enuff. haha.

i wan to go out with shann =( and suntanning with jill.. and chill out with claire again. and starbucks/spca with boon.. n meet up with rach n chewyan soon. we hvn't dine out for ur bday!

touch rugby on 3rd.. i hvn't studied my btt!! RAHh.

ok toodles. im bored.

stumbled upon that monkey on the shelf again...

2008-12-22T22:17:00.000-08:00

Just say yes

Edward: I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore..
Bella: Then don't.. - twilight

been crazily busy with christmas production rehearsals n all. omg.. its TMR!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH! -faints-

ok quick updates on my week.

last thurs: went out with claire!=) watched twilight n it was awesome. not fantastic in a professional way.. but good enough to draw me into the movie n i enjoyed it=) it was sweet with a supernatural twist. can't wait for new moon! hope it wont b disappointing. i wanna watch it again!!

we had starbucks after e show. OH n "The confessions of a shopaholic" is coming out as a movie TOO!!!!!! WHOOOO!! tt's like my fav series(more lik e only series i finished reading)! AHHH. we had a pact to go catch it tgt too. hehehe. i hope it'll b as nice as e books. hoho. n we ended up trying to rmb e leads' names n lost much of our brain cells. it was so funny.

last friday, went out with jill to town n had crazy christmas shopping. k la im nt the crazy one.. she is. haha. we were at far east n met sarah, rae, char a couple of times through out. lol.

Sat was a min&derek wedding!! holy matrimony. SO sweet. i love their pics from the album n huimin looks GORGEOUS.. she's pretty in every angle, with e beautiful gown n all.. =) oh n last tues or smth was the hens' night.. e girls n i had so much fun watching her do silly dares n stuff. hehehe. coolios!

and.. i'll nv forget the trishaw ride!! TKS XIE! HAha. first time riding the trishaw ard clarke quay area! along with clarissa. but the song "Low" was blasting from our trishaw which i find alil weird. haha. ain't it suppose to be lik... some oldies or smth. LOL. took some pics too! which i haven't uploaded as usual.

ok so after e wedding, it was practice again. first full run was.. -grahh-.. but it got better. so keep praying for us! we need lots of prayer warriors. glad that there's improvements as we go along. pretty nice day.

Sunday: prac again. blah blah blah.. watched soccer at frank's which i k.o-ed on the couch. lol.

time for some...Driving lessons reflections:

so far, i've had 3 prac lessons alr. i can drive a manual car now.. but with the max speed of 20 to 25km/h (the instructor refuse to let me go above tt yet) round about the circuit, occasionally with the engine dying on me n i hv to restart it. hahaha. the clutch, brake, n accelerator coordination is driving me crazy.. i think it's even harder than memorizing chemistry reactions or smth. i made a few "immediate failure" mistakes (according to my instructor) on monday's lesson. UH OH.. hehe. but im sure i'll make improvements=P.. its only the 3rd one! well i did get commented on my good clutch control (: wheee.

crap i hvn't studied my btt yet. EEEEKS!

my sis n i got ourselves hooked on the "Love story" by taylor swift lately.. hurr hurr =p. so nice. ok random.

BYE im off!

i...i.......

2008-12-16T23:09:00.001-08:00

they don't wanna miss a thing

And when i'm old, i'll do the things that i've done that made me smile in my teenage years all over again. would it still feel the same?

" I always feel funny inside when i see the blind uncles at cwp. I put myself in their shoes and i imagine for a moment how hard it is to even do the simplest tasks of everyday. How they may never have the competency to do more exciting stuff again. And i feel moved when i see the blind couple eating at the foodcourt. I thought about how he will never get to see the things that makes him like the girl when he could still see. It always reminds me that looks doesnt really matter. But i think more so, i always start thinking about what you like about the person versus the things they do that you like. Because one day someday someone will come along and do the latter so much better. Then im happy that they followed their hearts and liked each other so much. "

the greatest gift is not for the eyes to see, nor the ears to hear, but for the heart to feel..

2008-12-12T23:41:00.000-08:00

Perfect in some ways

yoooz im back from church camp!!

actually i don feel lk updating at this instance but the prom post is too outdated to be up on the first one. so i'll just say a few words down here.

more updates on a later date when im free(tho im v free right nw but idleness is overwhelming) haha.

i miss my furry fren.. =(

i miss shann! glad we're hanging out real soon. and claire too=) yay.

its chewyan's bday tmr!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!! (in advance) you've been one of e first few frens i've made in njc. and u've been great! those lame jokes, hilarious comments and retarded acts made sch life more bearable. i'll always rmb the times u sit on my right n boon will sit on my left for lectures! =) hehee. u're FINALLY 18 my girl! haha. i really treasure u as a fren n we'll keep in touch till eons later ok!(: haha. love ya! hope u'll enjoy ur 18th!

bought pumps from jill. hope i can fit.

mmm.. i tried so hard n yet i see em efforts bouncing back at me. maybe this friendship nv quite mean alot to you huh? we used to be great friends and now it seems different. but perhaps it don quite bother you anymore tt i feel this way. if u don even read this or feel a lil tt im talkin abt you (after reading).. then forget it.. its ok to lose a so called friend who doesn't care.

debbie's tired of tugging at the overstretched rubber band.

2008-12-04T02:07:00.000-08:00

Lights, Camera, Action

1st Dec, Monday: PRoM! NJC graduation night. alot more updates on cy's blog so i shall just cut short everything. lol.

food SUCKS lik...vaccum cleaner. errps. i think only the ee mee was good. n cold dish. alot of photo taking going ard n ppl practically were absent from their tables half e time thru the 7 course dinner. me n jm were quite stone. HAHA

my lovelies look lovely!! went over to rach's hs at 5ish, met jer n wl there too. they look GORGEOUSss. i was not in the mood for dressing up compared to them. heh.

met pz at the hotel! nice of her to drop by to see us=) ahh miss my class loveliesss.

i took pics with wl(the classic black dress), jer(the bridesmaid), cy(the greek goddess), mich(the celeb), rach(the bollywood princess), jm, claire(the casually dressed too), wanting(the hottie), juang, cen, mq... ok i hope i didnt miss any1 out.

ahhh y didnt zac n rach win the sweetest couple!? -sian- me n cy cheered damn loud!

prom king was trent n prom queen was vivian. jessica was real pretty too=) every1 looked a ton different.. ahhh.. mk's SUPER cute!!! -exclaims- gosh. i bet mich melted too at the sight of.. ahem..shhhhzz. HEhehe.

overall it was pretty fun la. stayed till 6am in the morning with jm and cy at clarke quay riverside. had a long nice chat. couldn't believe that we actually survived in our heels from all the walking from one side to the other end. my batt was flat n i had 9 missed calls frm my mum b4 tt. zomg. well all's fine. tks for jm! cy n i managed to convince him to stay so we hv better 'protection' in the night. lol. i had maccas brkfast at 5am!! =P took the first train home at 6:04am.

29th n 30th dec: went out with jill n we had soo much fun laughing over the F language n sashi's LG language. HAHAHA. orchard, met dj n fren, charles&keith warehs sale, bugis street, pain from heels, endless walking, sucky food, lousy supplier.. had a fishbone stuck in my throat after eating unagi burger ( im nv eating it again).. im fine nw don worry.

chalet ytd. walked hell FARR to the chalet with charleen. bbq-ed. had fun. siglap george's cafe-ed. tons of laughing n jane's fIsh-fillet n lamb/sheep/goat debate. haha. hmmm.

today is thurs. dental-ed. dentist says "hmm.. 1 more mth la ok." againnn. its ok.. im used to it.
rested from all the exhaustion from previous days. -zonked out-

i shld start rmbing all other birthdays..

ok tata!

i was surprised u rmbed i only use G2pilot pens back then..and my handwriting was flat.. and..

2008-11-26T04:45:00.000-08:00

Back to basics

"And as if they are right there with us, we draw strength from remembering them and then we walk to fight another day. Its really amazing. The feeling of really really wanting to give up or collapse and then, between clenched teeth and faltering steps, that small little memory lets us fight on." - that friend

so far after As was payback for our endless slogging for the exams. reward time.

Sat: met boon at tpy n off to spca for the 2nd time!(: pi dan is so cuteee. i love thunder too. apple was nibbling at my fingers as if they were tasty. hahaha. i wanna go again!

off to bishan for alittle retail therapy. bought necessity like heels for i have only 2 functional heels at the moment. Pazzion sells really nice heels !

Sun: the studio was cool! tho tad boring to just sit there n watch. haha. but the recording and all was an eye opener.

went to meet peixi afterwards!(: catch up alil. and yes..'vague' is the word, isnt it? her friends trang and chu hui came to join us at starbucks at 6plus. ahh banana muffin and white choc mocha was GoooODd!

Mon: retail therapy with boon again.. who was utterly bored and tired out. LOL. bought my prom dress.. roarr.. preparing for prom can be quite a chore huh? especially the wad-dress-to-wear part. cards buying, gift shopping, prom shopping is making me poor! =(

Tues: rushing peixi's present in the afternoon. her bday party at 8pm. crazily busy till i forgot my dinner againn-.- the cab fee to tt uber big house in some uber isolated place cost me $13.80!!
got there at 840 and waited for claire. it was quite weird initially. but it was wayy better than the previous hs party tt i went to. it was pretty unbelievable tt its a SPARE hs of her fren. with a pool, huge backyard, front porch and like 6rooms or smth.

Wed: out with class lovelies!!=) jer, rach, wanling, chew yan n mich! vivo-ed. it was vee cool to hang out with them. attempted to take some pics outdoors n hopefully they r uploaded soon!-winks at jer- haha. but left pretty early.. or rather i came late. lol. n JER!! ur dress isnt as BAD as you described it to be la!! tho it wasn't too nice but not SUPER UGLY lik u've claimed it to be. errps. LOL

tmr will be ALL day long busy with my cousin's wedding! needa leave the hs at 8am. omg this week has been CRazzilyYy packed!

toodles~ !!

2008-11-20T20:51:00.000-08:00

Been there, done that

I think everyone has a certain part of their lives
where they truly wish they could just freeze time.
Whether it was three years ago, today, or still to come,
whether it was just a moment, a whole day, or a whole summer.
Everyone has a time in their life where
they wish everything would just stop.
The world would stop turning & people would stop changing.
Because to them, at that time,
everything was perfect

As is OVER!!! OVER. officially put a full stop to it. done. gone. finished. END!!!!!!!!!!!

Last day of As was bio mcq. pple started cheering when the paper ended. YAY! thank God i pulled thru this season of my life and came out stronger than i thought i can be.

Off for lunch at marina square Carl's junior with my beloved classmates then walked ard b4 we head down to rach's hs for a movie again in her nice mini theatre at the basement=) laughed so much, talking, chilling out with pple i love makes me glad. went home at abt 6ish. took a bus with meimei down to hougang ctrl..trained to kovan..shopped ard alil.. da bao chicken rice n headed home in bus 112 (which took 5yrs to come-.-!!)

it feels cool to noe your time is free from books n notes. think we've all grown too accustomed to studying n mugging for the past few mths tt now subconsciously u will still hv the "rush home n study" thought. EEkkks. time to get my life back on track n forging deeper friendships! FRIENDS!! HANG OUT!!

so i've packed my nxt week full already=) am happy. like boon say.. we've neglected our friends too much while we focused on understanding E.coli, viruses, homeostatsis, Schwann cells and what not. sometimes you will think whether or not its worth it.. but to me.. its abt the task you're assigned to at the moment and you've got to complete it b4 u move on to the nxt big thing. for now, i can say i've done my part to the task God has given me as a student in NJC(:

i'll blog more often for sure! haha.

that stretch of road feels different now..

2008-10-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

Wei she me yao pa?

miah inspired me on the title today. i was freaking out trying to find the song and all. and couldn't find the download. but well.. yes wei she me yao pa? just like in life.. we r always running around with fears of this and that, but God is looking at you and saying.. hey why are you so afraid!

just like the disciples on the boat, despite Jesus was on it, they were afraid of the storm. The Saviour of the world was there and they were still kan chiong about the storm. like all of us, Christians, tasted of God's wonders and miracles, yet we're still not over that ting-ling chill down the spine. for exams, for assignments, for troubles, we're afraid.

boon inspired me on a thought too. "When someone treats your problem like it's their own, it really feels like half of it is solved". coolios. and tt lead me thinking. doesn't Jesus always want us to give him our problems? to surrender them. He treats our problems like His own. not half.. but all of it is solved when you give it to Him.. Him alone.

and.. im touched that ppl actually responded to my call for help!! ah tks=) im MOVED. it's in those little subtle ways that shows that there's still care around.

tdy i fell aslp on the couch while doin rjc mcq paper.

did i tell you BOOM! tag was fun?? haha.

ok tmr is rehearsals n meeting at 9am! panda in action tmr. haha. tataS!

2008-10-01T08:54:00.000-07:00

Fateful or faithful?

I can't give all the love the world needs, but the world needs all the love that we can give.

1month to As!! -freaks out-

disappointed by my prelims results. turned out like it did affected me quite 'abit'. slogging youself day and night with stacks of notes in hand won't do the trick if you've got tad bit of weight on your heart all this while.

Leona lewis has a beautiful voice. i love that song "yesterday"

im currently searching for christian hip hop songs. what a chore! well i mean its much more difficult to source out new ones.. or workable/dance-able ones for the kids. Lol. I NEED HELP! pls..PLs.

next week is the last week of official school. gosh. here comes the end of my JC days. how sad! i realise i didn't quite enjoy it..though i hv many lovable friends in 07S24! ok i'll leave it till next time for the dedications.

i used to be able to blog ALOT on ALOT of things. i wonder how cy does it all the time and keep it so entertaining. haha.

finallyyy got to read my fav blog (keepin it anonymous from nw on) ! once in a bluueeeeee moon when there's a new entry man. but i always feel so cheered up after reading. it's the writing style i adore! (:

yay! sunday is Dj(davier jonas)'s bdayy!! -pinch his cheeks- supermarioo!! hohoho. he's so lovable and adorable and chubbyy

" you looked on those words and you think for once..you're numbed by it already. you think for once.. i've crossed that bridge. but think again. "

"I miss hugs. Like real huge Imma-squeeze-all-your-sadness-away hugs." -quote jill. ME TOO.. those squishy-hugs.

'And probably the truest way to love God is attached with lots of risks too. When he calls, will i go and do and will i stay and not do. The worst thing is to detach the risks and to know God only on the peripheral and to do what is most safe and doctrinal' -quote.. well said huh?

u next to me me next to you

2008-09-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

It's about time

Radi8 was different today. watched some dvd. brooklyn tabernacle choir is awesomeee! those testimonies were awesome. what ps wil said really spoke to me. all these that's goin on makes me weary, tired, frustrated and i was almost on the verge of just quitting everything. i lost that energy and zeal. i wanted to give up. but im glad i didnt. im glad tt i went for Radi8 today n heard that im not the only one going thru tough times like these. It's worth it..if you really know the God you're serving. It's worth that endurance. with my As, with everything, with the Christmas thing, however tough im going to stretch my time and ability.. i will. for His glory.

you sat there and you looked. you sat there and the wall around you starts melting down as you stared at 'Cookie'. then you rmbed 'Cheesecake' so you turned away and force yourself to snap out of it. 'Cheesecake' will always be that atas cheesecake. you sat there and you looked at 'Brownie' and 'Bread'.. you realise it's so hard to tell 'Bread' anymore. 'Bread' only looks to 'Brownie' and 'Cheesecake'. 'Cookie' and you can never be on the same plate. neither do you and 'Bread'. you saw what's on 'Cookie's' mind, and your heart sank again. you wonder when will you ever find your 'white chocolate chip cookie'. just snap out of it wont you??

i rmbed my mum says she gets v sad when she sees me cry.. she will hv the urge to just tug me in her arms lik hw she does when im a kid. i rmbed how my mum, my frens were all so patient to me during that time.. and i realise that such extra patience will go away sooner or later. only God will forever be there, gentle to you, hearing you out n not get sick of it.

its 2.30am.

cookies cookies everywhere in those dreams

2008-09-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

There are somethings that will always remain grey

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 40days to As!!!! SAVEEEEEEEEEE ME

the new 'thing' btwn boonie n i is "it's too lateeeeee~~~". haha i find it very amusing.

ok im officially dried up from fighting spirit. i know i should saturate myself with the peace. and i have been meditating on the verse that says we should not be anxious but instead submit everything all requests unto the Lord in prayer. okok i will. "Don't terminate ur blessings, keep praying, help is on the way" -this quote has been on my mind too.

some amusing conversations in school:
1. debz: eh! mrs chew is back!?
Boon: yaaa -sian look-... even her eyeshadow is back too. [inside joke]

2. miss lee(during econs lesson): china's public transport...quite bad right??
Boon: ehh yes.. but not as bad as their milk.

3. misslim: chewyan! -caught her talking and expects her to answer the question-
debz: -turns to chewyan n told her the question-
rachel: -whispers into chewyan's ear the answer-
chewyan: err..a cell diagram?
misslim: correct!! -smiles-
rachel: ermm -turns to chewyan with a shocked look- actually i wanted to sabo you with the 'wrong' answer.
debz: -FAINTS from laughter-

frens make my sch life bearable and fun amidst of all the hectic revisions. we can do it!!

many will always think that the grass is greener on the other side. things that you don't have always seem so much better than those you already had. and you began to pursue for things that is not yours and neglect what has been blessed into your hands. it all piles down to human's nature of being not appreciative. I want to turn and look at the things that i have.. and learn to be thankful, not turning myself into a unappreciative being.

last sat was fun! shopping with jie n tp. bought contact lens, a bikini and FINALLY cut my hair! though it left me shellshocked for 5seconds but im growing to love it to bits=) alot less tangles, no furry hair, no frizzy ends! easy to maintain. got 2inches chopped off n lots of layering. i like my stylist.

sunday was waraku at Central. tp's bday lunch. andd.. pls spare me from that awkwardness ever again Ok! everything is normal and alright if everybody else sees it that way. we don't need to be three feet apart-.-.. don need to "i scared she.." any longer. PLS.

i shall not take 'meet up with claire soon' off my wantlist for we're never meeting up enough. and i will add shann up on the list too asap. haha

ok there's sch tmr though its at 9.40am. BYE!

2008-09-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

The song inside of me

no more holidays! gah. im back into the reality. for the next < 2mths i will work hard n score well!! though so far the prelim results are disappointing. sigh. chem n math is not my cup of tea. they don like me. SIAN. but i really need those As in Alevel. err actually just to prove that i can do it. tt's equally impt than scoring just to get into the courses in uni. i think the former has a better meaning. at least im working towards a goal n pushing to my best.

going out with Claire was fun=) we walked ard n shopped n apparently rachel was there too!! haha. too bad we didnt see her!! and we were at the same place watching the same movie!!! well just that they took the later slot.

WALL E is SO cuteeee=) and sweet. let the robots tell us about how to be alittle more human. how ironic huh.

we went to shop for cosmetics. Oh b4 e movie was lunch at hipdiner's and lots of catching up n gossips in n outside school. haha. after movie was shopping at random places and claire is regretting that she didn't get her clutch from Queens. i want that skinny jeans! ARggh. why cant it fit me. oh well. i was in the 'buying skinnies' mood altho the price was alittle steep=x.

ok. its very the late now. i shld go pop in my bed n sleep.

2008-09-11T07:24:00.000-07:00

A little bit longer

PRELIMS ARE FINALLY OVERR!!!

excited! meet ups. hang outs. chill outs. slack outs.

2008-08-30T08:19:00.000-07:00

Hear the sound

i slept at 3.30am n woke up at 4.30am. took a photo of the pinkish sky outside the balcony at 6ish am. slept at 7am and woke up at12.30pm. slept at 2pm n woke up at 6pm. There goes my biological clock.. and complexion!! urgent meeting calls for the extremes. video is up n im excited!

SEPT HOLS! hooraayy. 4papers left after this 1week break. im alrdy feeling slackish. didnt read any bio nor chem notes since thurs. hoho. its ok i hv 7more days to study 2 subjects. lucky backsides like claire gets 2weeks plus off-.- ending papers earlier is good to certain extent.

jill ps me tdy! oh well i slept in anyway. lol.

i need a haircut v soon. my hair is SO long tt i cant stand it anymore.

i feel nice sharing things, convictions, emotions with friends im familiar with. been doin that alot with boon lately n gettin ourselves hooked onto Muttons too while studying for prelims. haha.

Teacher's day celebration on friday was full of card-making, notes-writing sessions for our beloved and dedicated teachers.

ok i realise every sentence above has no link to one another. random-ness.

"One step at a time, there's no need to rush.." - one step at a time by jordon sparks, this song rings in my head v often now.

i need a 1mth break to italy n live in an organic farm. or perhaps a getaway to maldives and soak my feet in the sea.

OK this is making no sense. tatas!

take a deep breath and look at the swaying trees outside the window. feel the breeze in your hair and the warmth from the morning sun. observe the yellow birds on the high branches and listen carefully to the songs of nature. when you dissolve yourself into His creation, you will realise how He will always be there.

2008-08-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

It doesn't matter anymore

this is my 271th post in my blog. my little online diary that recorded my memories, thru thick and thin it's been here. haha..drama-.-.

In the midst of the tough prelims. i think chem srsly sucks big time la. im kinda disappointed at myself at econs paper. fumbled alittle due to the miscalculation of time allocation cuz towards to last essay was really kinda rush, which resulted in i-don-noe-wad-im-writing. SIGHHh. miss lee, dui bu qi.. i tink its a bye bye to the attempt at maintainin my A=(

i think i can get rather insecure at times. and i think i'm drifting further away, quickly, from the so called -circle- oh well. i don care la actually. but wad i care abt is.. i'm beginning to detect the tint of 'calefare' feeling again when there's 'the 3'. N there's nth i can do about it. it always comes back now and then. N it always saddens me.. its just that i don't say only.

7papers to go. 4 after sept hols-.- nicee. its okay. i want my straight As and im serious abt that. label me as a nerd now i don care. I WANT MY As!! to prove that i can do it.

it somehow feels like it doesn't matter now. it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter to me anymore. which is a good thing. let it be. let it stay that way. no pursuit. no struggle. no longing. no more feeling lost. no more at all. sigh of relief?

i rmb last sunday's msg was good. i always feel that sis jean's msgs can always address my heart issues in a very simple, but impacting way. every single time it felt like God speaking to me Himself. no lavish sermon..but a very simple msg on catching a fresh vision of God. Simple words, simple illustrations but extraordinary touch. i caught it.. i caught a fresh vision of God at the altar. and i want to always "catch".. not remain as "caught".

I've always been the kind of girl That hid my face So afraid to tell the world What I've got to say  But I have this dream Bright inside of me I'm gonna let it show It's time to let you know To let you know...  This is real, this is me I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now Gonna let the light shine on me now I've found who I am There's no way to hold it in No more hiding who I want to be This is me

This is my new favourite song.

2008-08-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

There's nothing i can say

i dk wad got over the better of me. i dk why i got so pissed off. perhaps it was the disappointment, it was the shock, it was the unbelievable. who would have thought..? not me definitely. however, i do not have the right to feel all the emotions above. ask me why.. she really don noe why.

Ok so prelims r in ..4days. somebody say (OH MY WORD) pls.

i got a slight fever on wed night.

i could hardly fall aslp for more than 3hrs in total, fighting the heat and the cold.

i got so sick in my stomach that it lasted for the entire of thurs.

i still feel a little sick in the tummy right now. gave Radi8 a skip today.

jill was right. and i think God heard our conversation at the lobby so He decided to reveal to me the broken vase. now i know its a vase and not a heap of 'things'..according to jill. only she will understand what i'm talking about. at least i know FOR SURE it's a vase now.. and its broken.

muttons to midnight is super funny. the ronald-susilo-played-like-crap low song was SO FUNNY. hehe

boon is super sarcastic.. "beauty can fade but a jerk stays forever" HAHAHA i almost fell off the chair.

i think im dead for math and mayb micro econs. oh n chem. perhaps tt's lik everything. LOL.

i rmb when i was a little kid, that every sunday would be kite-flying day=) i love those kites. those pretty kites, multi-colored kites, fancy butterfly kites. and my dad wld always buy me those huge plastic ones tt will never tear.

every situation is like a kite. and we are the kite-flyers.

I looked at my crashed kite.. i looked at BigDaddy.. i looked at my kite again.

"it's okay. everything's going to be alright. Let Me fix this."

the crucial word in the phrase is "ME". let Him..let God.

im going to get my As for As. As!! boon!! let's go for the As!!!

2008-08-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

OUCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ouch. ouch. ouch. ouch. ouch. ouch.

it hurts. so bad.

2008-08-08T09:49:00.000-07:00

Ignorance is (bliss)

i realise i hvnt been blogging abt "daily life"ish stuff. 1 n half weeks to prelims is freaking me out. haha. oh wells. sch's been rather hectic esp on tuesdays. thurs n fridays r relatively slack except ytd when my lesson starts at 1.30PM and end at 7PM-.-

ok there's lik SO many things i cannot say here. ok happy national day!=)

it's been a mth. i wonder hw time flies past so quickly i don even notice somehw. or probably i couldn't care less to count e days actually. y shld i anyway.. it only makes it harder when u go day by day.

many things in life we cannot know about. that includes little things like conversations between, say ur good fren and another fren of hers, to bigger issues like hw other's judge you or wad really went thru their head at times. I think God didnt give us e power to read minds for a reason. Maybe ignorance is really bliss sometimes when u don't have that much courage, self righteousness or justification or even the simple right to know something. If u can surpass ur own barrier of fear to confront the truth, maybe u hv the strength to face it afterall. On the other hand, u can only leave it to ur own interpretation or simply indifference if u cannot even summon enough guts. People don wear neon signs on their heads which flashes out every thought to e world ard.. if yes.. tt's scary. good at times when u get all .."argh omg wad does he/she mean infact?" and bad when u secretly carry sme thought u wan them unexposed.

wondering wad's going on is one thing.. wanting to noe wad's happening is another. The former might nt lead to the latter if u think it will kill you by REALLY knowing. N e reason y ppl wish they knew certain things usually falls back down to the word "curiosity" or in layman terms "kpo". Or another possible explanation would b the hope to noe things aren't as bad as wad themselves perceived. Subconciously, we all want things to b "not as bad as we think" it is. We wish tt it really is "not too bleak looking", or "there's hope to it".

my mum was telling me one day(in e car on my way to sch) tt hw she suddenly wish she was back in her early 20ties again.. or even as a kid playing in the field. n she asked me if i have ever wish i was back then when i was like perhaps primary school. honestly, not very. haha. of cuz i love those carefree days when i played monkey bars with my frens n hopskotch, but.. to b back in those days my mum dictate wad i wear and get screamed at by my sister all e time.. ERrr no tks. ok i noe besides those superficial things, there's many more tt i love abt right now. and i wan to live in the present so tt i will not look back n go.."eh oh man hw i wish i was 18 again.. cuz i don rmb really living thru one". tt's v sad. don waste ur time away. nostalgia is ok..regret is not.

ok i also wna blog abt smth else but.. i'll leave tt tilll e nxt post. which is.. i do not noe. haha. NITEZ!

2008-07-30T07:11:00.000-07:00

Pluto-ed

i wonder hw pluto feel for being kicked out of the solar system. for being in it for millions of years and ovenight, judged by PEOPLE, tt it doesnt fulfil the requirements of being a planet and out it goes. like heyyy. if jupiter made tt comment, it can probably swallow tt better. imagine nt seeing its name in science textbooks anymore, nt catergorized under the 9planets, but just a .. star. i feel sad for her. She will always be a planet in my heart. haha ok 'errps' u muz be thinking. many a times we feel lik tt, don't we? but there are always certain ppl in life tt will always keep us in their hearts despite the seasons.

tmr there isnt sch. yayness

iim goin to write sme protected entries. things tt..mayb my closest of frens can read(if they're curious to ask to wan to read). smthings cant be said? then i'll say it but u cant read it.

wad i learn today frm a book: joy of intimacy comes after a level of committment. Define intimacy: to share secrets, our love, our fears, our emotions, or maybe a cup of drink. u wouldnt tell sme1 of ur fears or deepest secrets if u arent close to her rite?? and before u earn tt trust, u hv to put e committment in. skipping the former will only be pure selfishness. life is full of pple who jump ahead of things.

humans r WEIRD. they cause smth to happen, create a mess, n then if all's good too quickly, they get edgy, expecting the all's bad to last alil longer so they feel more 'treasured'. ah plain weirdness. its as if they themselves don noe wad they want.

2weeks plus to prelims n i think i might freak out soon. haha. SAVE MY MATH.

pop! goes my plan on sat to meet up with claire=( BOooo. nt again. oh wells. blame prelims.

i miss my spastic lil sister. ok nt tt little actually. im the little one. haha.

k toodles

2008-07-25T09:04:00.000-07:00

Love is a package deal

The secret to loving is living loved. 7:47 principle.

You have a ticket to heaven no thief can take,
an eternal home no divorce can break.

Every sin of your life has been cast to the sea.
Every mistake you've made is nailed to the tree.

You're blood-bought and heaven-made.
A child of God- forever saved.

So be grateful, joyful - for isn't it true?
What you don't have is much less than what you do.

my heart went "aww.." when i read this poem. and my heart went "ahhhh.." upon reading many chapters of e book.

God's view of love is like all mom's view of food. When we love someone, we take the entire package. No picking and choosing. No large helpings of the good and passing on the bad. Love isn't a cafeteria line where u can say yes to the fried fish and no to the fried tomatoes. Love doesn't accept just a few things. Love is willing to accept all things. "love..bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" 1 Cor. 13:4-7.

and you wouldn't noe of such a love if you hadn't receive of it from God. but to many, it's hard to love in certain situations. The angered fren is nodding. the heartbroken mother is nodding. the rejected kid is nodding. Rejection breeds anger. Think about it. you hurt and tt's y u're mad. anger is ur defense mechanism. N rejections r more common in our daily lives than ..(thinks of a lousy analogy) ERP gantries on expressways. one thing i've learnt is tt.. i cannot keep ppl from rejecting me. but i can keep rejections from enraging me. how? by letting God's acceptance compensate for tt.

im keeping tt reminder tt anger is trash to my heart. i would rather load my world with flowers from God=)

'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails'. 1 cor. 13.

Max.L made an interesting pt in his book. try replacing the word 'love' in this bible passage with ur name. EHHhh. u will probably stop at e first few phrases. well i did. haha. No one can meet such standards, no one except Christ. Now try inserting Christ's name in this passgage n see if it runs true.

'Jesus is patient, Jesus is kind. Jesus does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. He is not rude, he is not self seeking, he is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. He does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Jesus never fails'

Let this passage remind u not of e love u can't produce.. but the love tt we cannot resist- God's love.

everybody say.."woowww.."

revised timetable rocks better! dadadadidoom~

2008-07-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

Holding my heart back together

OK! tdy is sunday.

me: ehh.. did anybody notice tt i was missing tdy?
sis: YAA!
me: *relieves* o.0 hoho yay. pheewww. like really?
sis: YA! duhhh.
me: so they ask y i didnt come?
sis: YESsssss......

stomach flu aint a good feeling. so im skipping school tmr. hooray.

im starting on another book called "a Love worth giving".. by my all time favourite author Max Lucado.

had meeting on ytd which emptied half of my brain cells. HURRR. v productive. v creative. v hollywood. haha. n i've yet to kill ng shu ai grace. im really a v gullible n nice person. NOT THE FIRST TIME LIAO! chewy n boon always succeed in tricking me. the watch incident speaks for itself. nw comes the tp thing.

me: *phone rings* helloO?? ah yes? u call me ah?(fyi: i was feeling faint from hunger n rushing to meet my sis. in e train)
tp: aye! where r u?
me: huhh? on e train?
tp: aren't we suppose to meet at vivo starbucks to study?!
me: *shocks out of e chair* HUH!?
tp: *frustrated* i waited since 4.30 lor! i left a seat for u liao! we said we're meetin right??!
me: *looks frantically at e time which tells "18.15"* OMG! did we!??? when!?
tp: on msn last nite! u wan me to show u the convo?
me: HUH!! IM SORRYY! i didnt recall! where got !?? omg omg.. *panic attack*
tp: ahh nvm la nvm .. *pissed off tone*
me: *stunned* hurrr sorrY! don have lehhh.. where got... huhh.. sorry.

when i finally reached starbucks n saw her laughin her ass off over there. i was suprised tt i didnt got angryy. i was relieved~ REALLY! cuz i was super guilty n worried. wah lauu.. look at wad a nice fren u hv over here! -points to myself- n... wad a sinister fren of mine to play a trick on the poor struggling-to-walk-n-shivering-from-hunger little me. hao ren bei qi fu. see la!

i rmb cy tricked me into believing tt she scored badly for her pw n i gt SOOO worried over e phone telling her nt to cry n all.. n a min later hearing her burst out laughin like mad. -.-

i shall nt b so naive anymore.. hMPH. wo de ren tai hao liao. LOL

boon! ur pptslide almost made me cry. HUrrr! so touching! -hugs-.. this is lik e first time a fren actually did those for me to cheer me up n tell me to stand strong in midst of all this. reassurance n all. aiyoo..touched=)

sometimes, we need to struggle alittle longer n the winter would last alittle longer than expected. Just like how clay needs to be heated in an oven over sometime before it's ready and harden. i think i might hv rushed the healing time too much. so much so tt im too focused on the speed of picking myself up. N i gt checked while readin tt little story of the tea cup. "Not yet"the Lord says.. i was eager to get outta e hot furnace into the cool air once again. all i shld do is to trust that the Lord has His hand on the thermostat..n His eyes on the temperature. the flames will not consume me. the heat will not melt me.. but let faith lie open in e heat for its testing. to let it show of its true colours.

Isn't it true tt faith can only display of itself fully during the toughest times of ur life? isnt it true tt we always turn out to b the strongest at our lowest point? It is during then.. tt we(will be willing to) throw everything else aside n draw close to God.. to dive right bck into the deep waters of His presence. It is when we hv nothing tt we noe tt Jesus is all we ever needed. Take struggles in life as granted opportunities for faith to grow.. for God's love to be manifested.. for you(who might b too 'caught up') to stop n stand in awe of the Lord=) come n noe Jesus n u'll noe wad im talking abt. sometimes God jus need to smack u right bck to where u shld be.. from gettin too proud with ur achievements(without God u can nv get them).. from thinkin u don need Him.. from seeing everything else more impt. Just lik hw a father disciplines his child.

N things u're goin thru right nw might jus b pimple-sized problems in God's eyes. smetimes u even look bck n go.."omg.. y was i so stressed up then?" so yeahh.. rely on His wisdom n never yours. so things r never really..bad. bad is a .. strong word. bad? think again. 2 yrs down e road u might nt think e same way as u did.

mayb i shld write protected entries meant for only me, myself n the trinity to read. cuz there's too many eyes ard n words get analysed way too deeply. passed e meaning or intention it was meant to be when written.

oh well. toodlesss!

we hvnt been talking even like friends..

2008-07-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

Out of the norm

TGIF! =) came bck from youth nt too long ago. today's msg was short but heyy it speaks into my heart. i guess it was outta e norm.. never recorded..never accounted b4.. thrown off balance and i hv to get up nonetheless. learn to adapt to it. learn to accept it and grow with the changes.

sch was alrighty. hectic hectic. 4weeks to prelims! Omgg. i need to mug. i need to mug n b a mugger for e nxt few mths. its gonna look like i do not have a life man. but well.. i will hv one once its over=) plannings r alrd in progress=P. ok shuddap n get over ur exams first debz.

it's been 1week plus..to 2weeks alrdy...

i read this "I honestly think women have it hard. We're labelled as the weaker species, throughout time. Since like the beginning, its been the men who are the alphamale. Girls take more... emotional burden than guys. Ultimately, arent we the strongest!? Hate how tears are sterotyped as weakness. Tears arent a symbol of weakness. They speak of things that words will never be close to comprehend. There're 616,500 words in the Oxford dictionary. But so many times, not a single one can suffice." -jill

how true how true. i cannot wait to echo in agreement.

out with my lil girl tdy. had our mcfluffy(she actually did ordered in tt way). sitting at mos burger n narrating a tad bit of it.. and tears started flowing again. 1 week n i broke my own not-to-cry promise.

rach talked abt it tdy.. n instantenously my heart dropped. nt e first time it did. i think i heard the "thump" sound in my chest as it sank downwards. it felt numb again. i was struggling to find words to explain.. or perhaps to laugh it off lik it don't matter.. but all i did was jus looked at boon.. n we exchanged glances. i guess she cld read my mind. i still took up e courage once again to say it. n to verbalise it is like worse than facing it internally. but i kept those tears in.

i read this "When we're in love it always feels like "forever and ever babe" but it actually feels like that only while it lasts. our feelings ebb when we're in different places around different people doing different things. You know, like when i'm fighting a mission in taiwan with my closest buddies... you tend not to feel so fully absorbed into someone as you feel when you're on say a date with her. So as we go from season to season, feelings do fluctuate.

But i feel all over again that love is so substantial it doesnt have to be circumstantial. Though someone else or things make you feel warm and fuzzy in the day, you still go to sleep and wake up being so sure of who you love when the morning arrives. Because if we let days go by without doing so, its so easy to get swept away by the pace and novelty of it all. You understand that while highlights of the weeks are so attractive; they dont cause the girl of your life to fade. This engenders uncertainty and insecurity but thats when you realise how feelings are faded by time if unguarded, prodding us to add on to our trust-worthiness on our part".. -eric

Goddd.. i wish he cld think this way.. but i guess.. he only did get the first para n it nv did continued..

i saw his smile again.

i wonder if i've ever crossed ur mind thru this week. i wonder if our memories did. i wonder.. cuz it sure did to me. does curiosity kill the cat in this case? does it even matterrr....

2008-07-13T02:54:00.000-07:00

Let it be memories

He writes in characters too grand
For our short sight to understand;
We catch but broken strokes, and try
To fathom all the mystery
Of withered hopes, of death, of life,
The endless war, the useless strife,-
But there, with larger, clearer sight,
We shall see this -- His way was right.
- John Oxenham

(smth to add) Fri - that little hug. it was like a shhhh-no-need-to-say hug. it was a awww-silly-girl-don-cry hug. it just made me smile la=)

Sat- fun.laughter. city link. raffles city. suntec. aching legs. flashbacks. nostalgia. jokes. E-diot(HAHA). marvellous cream. sitting on benches. departs.

starbucks. maths correlation. bio nervous control. organic chem. ipod. random drawings. staring at passerbys. shu ai's boredom. window shopping. endless waiting. endless cam-whoring. sushi-ed. spastic-ed. coolios.

Sun- "you speak into it." e phrase resounds in my head like an echo. i took the list in hand n i run down it to see the highlighted ones. i stared at it for a moment..

i stared at it again...

n again...

n again...

"[a voice towers over me] would u just stop it?"

but i cant!

"rmb.. u speak into things."

"stop n listen to the answer b4 u run away." God showed me grace and mercy.. i shld show it to some1 else too. God forgave me so i shld forgive. u want forgiveness? u show forgiveness. wad hv i got to gain from the highlighted names? wad credit does it do to me ?

i looked at that name again..

i looked at the pain again..

"do u really wan to b back to square one? u've made excellent progress so keep doin it!"

"[stern command] NAH do it. (hands the liquid paper over)"

i turned n took the liquid paper n started liquid-ing it away.

there's a season for everything.. n perhaps it isnt ours. it isn't mine. it isn't urs. so it just isn't the season. i quote jill - "acting numb towards someone, doesnt mean you dont care for him. Perhaps, just perhaps, it means you care too much."

it isnt an overnight thing to move on. you lost the right to b 'actively involved'.. u lost e right to randomly ask abt things.. u lost e right to noe wad's going on anytime.. u lost e right to treat a person hw u wished u cld.. u lost e right to tousle their hair or lean on their shoulders..u lost e right to poke into their ribs jus to disturb them.. overnight. put a saltwater fish into a basin of freshwater suddenly. it gets a shock of its life n wonders wad's going on. it gets so uncomfortable nt hving stones n other fishes to swim ard it n all the drastic changes. it takes time to adapt[ok in real life the fish dies la but i cant die u noe, jus an analogy].

and i tink.. we really can still be friends=)

2008-07-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

Grace grows best in winter

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.



Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

tThis is so my song pls. totally speaks of wad i've got to say now.

Mon was hell. totally hell. i guess no1 can ever noe hw it felt like except God. and i really learnt SO much from all these that i went/am goin thru. i spent the whole of monday emptying all e tears n all. tks sis! for the lovely daisy=). i barely slept and ate the entire day. and the moment i wake up on tues was wad happened on monday. i almost did tink everything was a dream. every wave tt came crashing on me was in my dreams. but then, after a second or two of rethinking.. apparently it was the reality.

Tues was.. equally bad. that i stil have to pull myself outta bed with a splitting headache and head to school, worse still.. to TRY and be productive and all. which turned out to fail badly. my heart wasnt even in school at all. but smehw i noe i refuse to be crippled till i become unproductive at all like lying at home. so i still took up the courage to come to school. Boon saw it all.. she saw how diffcult and tough it was for me to hang on the daytt seemed like eternity. was it hard for u on monday? or even tuesday? tt ran thru my head. E whole time i was trying to put on a smile .. or at least hold back e tears. everything played like a rerun. shu ai was so nice to sms in e morn. my mum was so nice to cook abalone for lunch. everyone was so nice to me these days.

Wed was not too bad. better. after much prayers and self-organising of thoughts. i was slowly looking at the brighter side of things. boon's letter really cheered me up alot. and i kept re reading it everytime i feel discouraged or so. and really.. like she said.. i don need someone who broke my heart lik tt.. he's not deserving of wad i've put in. its not worth it at all. wad i really held on was perhaps our memories..things we've went thru.. the good ole' days to put it simply. and yeahh.. sure it was tough. hell tough. n i really prayed a prayer of surrendering everything unto the Lord.. to pray for His strength and covering upon me. cried out to Jesus desperately.

thurs morning was the best. God showed me He really did care. He really would bring me thru this. Anything that come to us muz go thru God's permission. nth can reach us without His nod. and I believe He didnt do this cuz its sadistic.. its cuz to show me how true n real He can be.. and how amazing the strength He can give to me.. all i need to do is ask and believe. my mum drove me to sch as usual.. it was a rainy gloomy morning. just when i was begining to think again.. i looked up into the sky and i saw a complete semi circle double rainbow. and Awwww.. it was great. BEST. God noes hw to comfort his children doesnt he? BigDaddy noes best=) rainbow is God's promise=) I had to weather thru the fiercest storms to see the brightest rainbow. n my mum inspired me on this - " wahh..see! so thick the black clouds n yet the sun is still so brightly shining".. ya! indeeed hw true. no matter hw dark ur situation looks.. God reminds me tt the sun is always shining. God, my Sun, is always there. nth can hide His presence.. nth can. nt even the thick black clouds. His sovereignty is still in place.. His majesty reigns. He's in control.. and He's right there in you.. shining thru the black clouds and pouring His warm rays on you.

and i was just thinkin abt how my mum n dad took it pretty hard abt this whole thing. my mum was saying tt it hurts her to see me lik tt. i didnt sleep well.. neither did she. i was sad n she couldnt feel happy too. and i jus thought.. if my mum can too feel hurt on my part, why wouldnt God noe my pain? If it hurts my mum, it mus hv hurt God too to see my like that even more cuz He's afterall my heavenly Father. N tt's when i began to take tt step of faith to really trust tt God noes my situation.. and He's goin to bring me out of it.

And i begin to walk out of this. walk out of the pain. walk out of the tears n shattered heart. to let His joy to fill my heart once again. I begin to see all this as an opportunity to demostrate God's mighty love and strength tt i really wan others to see thru me. God gave me the strength to stand up in 4 days. 4 days is a really short time but i can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. Nth is impossible. i didnt wna believe tt on mon. but i did now. despite the short time, It doesnt justify any of [your] actions at all.. n it doesnt mean e pain wasnt deep cuz it hell was. i forgave [you] but tt doesnt justify any of ur mistakes u made. the hurt u brought. none of tt. I took the courage once again to forgive by God's grace. By his power in His name. i almost wanted to make u feel guilty for life for all u've brought to me.. but by God's grace i will not. i'll take this as an opportunity to give Him all the glory and a chance to draw close to Him. I guess it's really in struggles tt u feel God the most.. normally we're often too busy to stop n appreciate Him.

Friday..aka tdy. i stepped into the room n i saw [you]. did it feel good? NO. did it feel awkward? YES. so much so tt i literally jus looked at u n even the smile to at least acknowledge wouldn't obediently come out. thrashed things out.. I thrashed it out. i barely heard it from u bt lik i've said.. it's pretty clear n there really isnt much to say tt will make any difference to me. e worst part came when i had to look at u n hear ur apology. i stopped n stared at e floor for perhaps 2mins. it was SO toughh. but by God's grace i did it anyway.

i quote my sis.. "taking baby steps at a time"..yeah i will. i will. one day i will brush away e awkwardness n all.

i quote boon.."It isn't worth it hanging on to a guy who cannot bear to give up the forest for that one.. cannot commit himself to you, put your feelings, your welfare, above his."

i quote shu ai.. "be strong. you r stronger than you think."

i quote boon quote kenneth ang.."yi ge slum ah"

i quote (shall nt be named).."perhaps u've gain more than u lost out. u've seen tt he is immature."

i quote my sis.."you will find sme1 better and u will b so much better off." (inserts her 'HUR' expression)

i quote e God's promise.." i will never leave nor forsake you."

2008-07-07T16:06:00.000-07:00

, or .

hv u ever look at smething, see it drowning, shouted for help but no one actually bothers?

"ahh nth la. it's fine."

"come on! don be sensitive."

"no its really not that way."

how many times hv i shouted for help? waved the red alert flag and try to tell u it's a danger zone once i saw the signs? JUST COUNT. oh quit it. its countless anyway.

i said it.. it was left ignored. i complained abt it.. it was brushed away. i voiced it.. it was not heard anyway. i tried to stop it.. i tried to tell you.. i tried my best.. before everything.. way b4 everything.. i tried.. i pushed thru the currents and reach for you.. shouted till i was out of breath.. so wad? if all these fell on deaf ears.

shu ai gave me a hug today.

my sis gave me a hug today.

nth was said. they just gave me a hug today.

unfair. so unfair. i waited thru the tough months. i never gave up. i never bare the thought of it. and now all i get was a "i've changed. things changed..open to choices. taking another direction" ha ha ... a bomb just landed on my lap. tell me about being sad.. tell me about feeling heartbroken.. tell me about feeling betrayed of trust.. tell me about it.. u can never win me in this. shann noes me now. God noes me now.

2008-07-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

the worse thing has happened to me.

the worse thing is having the one u've always love calling you just a BFF..

the worse thing is to have only known after 'quite awhile' .

the worse thing is you're still stubbornly(stupidly) in love with him..

the worse thing is somewhere inside of you don wna verbalise all these out..thinkin that it wouldnt be true if u hadn't.

the worse thing is you feel you're thrown into a fridge forcefully to 'cool down'

the worse thing is there wont b goodnight calls, morning texts for quite awhile or perhaps forever.

the worse thing is that there is no time frame. unendless waiting.

the worse thing is ur heart is in a million pieces..

2008-07-06T05:56:00.000-07:00

Colourful

i rmb gid told me before that 'colorful' when said infront of a mirror, it looks exactly the same as when u say "i love u" (shape of the mouth n stuff). and i thought it was pretty coolios.

Radi8 service on friday was [inserts suitable word which i may think of in e future]. It was..smth different. well to me at least. n i kept thinkin abt this phrase "talk is cheap". ya indeed very cheap. dirt cheap. boon always say words mean nth. Talking is so dirt cheap. pple say things without goin thru their head.. pple say things without thinkin ahead. i always think we shld only say things we wld still mean it down e road smeday.. lik when promises r made. N promises r never really broken.. they just fade away, change or get left on the shelf. It's still there but perhaps e original one nv gets back afterall. quit talking.. start doingg! [ok im nt emo pls.. jus a thought ya noe.]

Sat was coolioss=) THREADING! im officially tramatised by threading cuz it hurts so much. nt the part when they thread e hair away but force of the thread against ur bare skin. its like slicing meat. OK i better stop b4 i scare potential threading customers. LOL. i will always rmb e poor shu ai. haha.

porking session with dvds n cheesecake, mocha frap, macdonalds, green teas n mcflurry was goood=) altho e shows were average EXCEPT 'definitely mayb'. tp n i were mesmerized by the sweet phrases..-.- ok talk is cheap talk is cheap. ah oh wells.. tt girl still wans an american guy.
i shld learn to start believing words said when i see action? or simply hv faith? AIYAA darn.

im gettin quite emotional too these days.. for wadever reason i dk but i don think it's v good for moi. mayb i jus need sme1 to understand wad im goin thru right nw.

today was funnny. had a good laugh at kelvin n his narration on the cup-soccer game. LOL. muz try it out sme day.

did i mention i made myself an handphone sock? i tink its cute. and the furry-ness is slowly dying down.. mayb cuz its forming lil furrballs nw. haha. hey but it has my name on it so it's personalized=) tweet tweet!

K tata.

So breathe in so deep 
Breathe me in 
I’m yours to keep 

And hold onto your words 
‘Cause talk is cheap 
And remember me tonight 
When you’re asleep