Heart hurts

Eye hurts

Brain hurts

Soul hurts

It's tiring to try again and again and then fail. It's the falling and picking my all bruised self up that hurts. And when i hurt, i hurt people. I talk nasty to people who comforts me because nothing seem to cheer me up and everything is going so well for them and I just don think they will ever say the right things I wna hear and they will never ever understand. I hate it when people complain about not getting things when they're expecting so much and I'm just hving that mediocre small dream which is never fulfilled. I get irritated when my mum ask me small things because I don give a shit about them and I'm in a bad mood. I get damn sick when people tell me to try harder because they hv no hell of a idea how hard i tried and I just cant 'try hardER' anymore. And i throw my messed up tantrum at God because I don understand why things are the fucked up way it is. And at the end of e day I hate myself for being like that, being the exact opposite person for what God had planned all these for. For me to be stronger, for me to know that grades don define me but He does, for me to give Him glory despite of these. 

Am i asking alot? Am i? I still have so much to learn.. so little strength. 

Until He cometh, rest.