Light up in a jar

People say that walking away is the hardest thing to do. But it isnt. Staying. even when you know it breaks your heart

Been sleeping past 2 for many consecutive nights. This screws up my sleeping patter, my body and my mind. I hate this shit. I want all the things back.. 

I hvn't been blogging for awhile, hvnt been catching up with friends, hvn't been texting boon (she complains to me), hvn't been wishing ppl happy bday (forgetting seh's bday was the biggest regret ever), hvn't been stepping out of the house for alternative purposes besides school (aside the awesome mahjong session spontaneously e other night), hvn't been catching up with old friends and I just feel really happy seeing them, even a wave, ard in school at least, hvn't been saying 'oh my week's great' for a damn long time. 

I am a selfish, selfish person. All these have perhaps been the most irrational things i've done. The furthest i've gone for something that was not even suppose to be right from the start. Somehow I had the scariest feeling ever when you said 'but it's good'. Afraid. Afraid that i'm going to lose another bestfriend. Afraid of the dependence yet afraid of the loneliness. Afraid of seeking for the wrong shelter yet afraid of being in the wind after all. Wanting for the right but giving in to the wrong. Feeling the tug of war and losing sometimes. It's wrong.. I know. Yea.. it's wrong. Stop showing double standards. Stop doing what you said you wouldn't. Stop hurting people. Stop it. Debs.. stop it.