My God is beautiful..all the time-

Monday, March 09, 2009

An Average But Better

Being perfect is an imperfection itself

So 6thmarch came n went just in a blink. The anxiety tt morning was suffocating.. even Island Creamery's ice cream doesn't tempt me into finishing my double scoop of nutella n ReverSo. It was cy, yini, mich, rach n me.. sitting there with our tummies in a knot n blabbering nonsense as the time ticks away..

1330pm we set off to sch.

1400pm we finished lunch n sat at our usual spot by the pond.

1430pm the principal starts to talk. phototaking with the geniuses in our sch. my mind was basically off everything tt's happening ard me.

1445-1500pm was pure agony. no doubt i was disappointed.. no doubt my tears clouded my vision n i simply couldn't b bothered by who's ard or not. all i knew is i didn't get what i wanted..when others did exceptionally well. all i knew is my heart dropped n it was painful. but no doubt.. i still felt that peace in me..

It was a peace.. so serene.. calming my raging sea. i knew i was upset but i cannot deny that i felt thankful that it was an all distinctions.

I stayed up late in bed on friday thinkin abt my "average" working out best. Contradictory? yes.. but absolutely possible n logical. I kept talking to Bigdaddy.. And He never stopped telling me.. never stopped comforting me.

Then, my mind went back to a prayer i once prayed. I needed a direction.. i wanted a specific guidance.. I needed a sign. So in fact, my prayers were answered.

i thought..... "Given 7As, so?? i will still end up doing business(i think) given my lack of interest in all other courses. But given 7As n the nature of who i am(indecisive n easily confused by choices), i can be almost 99% sure tt i will b so tempted to take up Law or Dentistry or.. well whatever that doesn't suit me but can b open to me."

Hmmmmm.. now that i don hv the superior decision making entitled.. my choices are rather narrowed down n hey! less thinking for me! and definitely lesser probability of making a wrong decision. And then.. i smiled n went to bed.

Saturday at SMU open house.. my worries went up alittle, accompanied by quite a substancial level of insecurity with all the 6As, 7As ard me. but then, the peace never went away. Had dinner with chewyan at Shokudo then dessert at Ochacha was fun.. talkin abt our feelings, the 'barrier', frustrations n what not.. n i shared my point of view..

I reckon that God knows who needs wad and who don't need wad. I might not get as many As as i intended..who doesn't desire all As ?? Of course i want.. but.. an "A" is really a limited edition.. There's only a certain number of ppl who can get an A.. Bell curve decides ur standing n not exactly e score itself. If i get an A, someone out there gets deprive of one. Someone else needs the A more than i do.. there might b someone else who just need tt one more A to realise the dream of becoming a doctor or get into Law or even be able to go uni. He knows tt one more A i wanted suits someone else better. . Not at the expanse of me of cuz since i can still get into business anyway. so.. why sulk over smth tt.. u won't need in e end???

So then on.. Debbie is a happy girl=). She knows her Bigdaddy will take care of her.. He is more than enough!! :) PRaise be to God! She really feels tt joy burning inside of her and no one else can provide tt joy except You. the joy tt last.. the joy tt cannot fade. hehehe.

UPDATES!!

ytd dinner was so nerve wrecking for someone else but a good laughin session for me. HAHA. well im happy for Barney the dino n her Dino man anyways. GOOD SEAFOOD!(: n awkward fellowship at times. HAHA. HEHEHEHEH. cool.

You who calm the raging sea.. that came crashing over me..

the Princess' thoughts ;