My God is beautiful..all the time-

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Thought of e day: i feel like a piece of crap.

tmr is 7.04.2006. its the day im gonna hv a dinner for my sixteenth birthday. its not a celebration nor a party cuz its not big nor bombastic AT ALL. n tts e reason for me feeling lyk a piece of crap. W---H---Y don i hv a surprise lyk peirong. hai..sumtimes although i get to hold it in posh posh places for my dinner, i do envy abt those little surprises. hai..so sad. but nevertheless!! i shall be opptimistic abt the upcoming 'dinner'. i hope tt my prezzie frm claire, sam n ningnong will b good. hahaa. n of cuz frm ah pei. another reason for me feeling lyk crap is tt i hv SOOOOO pathetically few pple at my dinner. so sad. or i shld say so GREAT for a supposedly sweet 16th. sigh.....i don feel swt at all. well mayb juz a little. thanks claire,sam n ningnong for goin through all tt trouble to get what i like...or i shld say what i may like cuz i don noe wad issit yet. well...at least there's excellent n fabulous food there. i shall occupy my mouth ALL E TIME. wahahaha!! :P

here i shall tok abt sumting. last sunday, it was communion sunday. so like always, i wld sit there n feel so guilty lettin e cup n bread pass by. hai..so i always close my eyes shut nt to think abt it. *cuz im nt baptised for e 2nd time*. den my sis ask me "pastor already say as long as u accepted jesus christ as yr lord n personal saviour u can part take communion already wad. take it." u noe hw much my heart struggled?? it nearly got twisted la! den mummy's words slipped into my mind "i think bible got say b4 cannot take leh." but pastor sounds like donneed to get baptised inorder to part take it wad. n sashi say the bible never specifically stated it. den how!???? i struggled n struggled until i was close to biting my tongue in half. tears of guilt gathered in my eyes. it felt sour, i felt hot, i felt so painful. u think i don wan to take it meh?? but im afraid of sinning if the bible did say abt nt being able to part take unless u are baptised. so im lyk shakin my head..n tis time e guilt grew even larger..overwhelmin me. im soo lost. i don noe!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAHHH!!!! im kinda afraid of baptism cuz i hv totally no idea of wad the procedures are. uncertainty naturally creates a sense of fear in humans rite? oh man..i need u Lord..speak to me...tell me wad shld i do? hw do i conquer the fear? where do i get information on baptism n communion?? do i take communion nxt month??

regardin the qn on "have i truly accepted jesus christ as my Lord n saviour?". my answer is a definite YES. YES YES YES! if it werent for jesus, i wldnt hv scored well in my last SS test*a subject tt i totally lost hope in.* if it werent for jesus, i wldnt hv been alive. im so stress nw tt if i lose God tis instant, i'll jump down e nxt min. if it werent for jesus, i wldnt hv overcomed sickness. He helped me in every area of my liFe even when it piles down to little things lyk hw do i solve this maths qn. i get really stressed up n useless when i cant solve sumting. i spoke in tongues b4 n pls don lok at me in a way tt im lyin. im NOT lying. juz tt i din speak tt day doesnt mean i hvnt spoke it b4. u may nt hv heard it but God heard it. n wad matters to me is tt. its still clear in my head when i spoke it. me n mummy went up to the alter once n i held her hand n prayed*pastor said hold the hand of the one nxt to u*. i prayed so hard n asked for forgiveness n all e sins i've done flashed across me. sometime went inside me n i cant stop cryin. i cried n cried n i noe its because i feel so guilty for wad i've done. den e nxt moment i spoke in tongues. i noe im forgiven n the tears stopped.

ok...last bt nt least...saturday is our sch MIGHTY 50th anniversary FUNFAIR!!!!!!!!!! COME COME COME!!!! its gonna ROCK TIS TOWN ALIVE!!!!!!! yea..lyk real. haahahaa. but i think it wont b too bad la..but nt tt all fantastic. im lookin forward to the "dunking" part. teachers are SOLD to be dunk!!! hahahhaa!!! nt literally, but its 100 bucks at least for per teacher. hahah!! its a professional dunking machine!! so cool! mr loh is gettin dunk for SURE MAN!!! 4C3 is yr buyer!! hahaha. HODs are more expensive. n guess hw much our principal costs?? an auspicious $888!!!! SO EX MAN!! siao..ahaha! there's lyk thousand n one stores tt day n ours is at e hall n our class room! come!!!!! hahaa. altho i don really tink its VERY nice but..support me pls!!! ahaha. its "cafe under the tree" in e hall n "amazon basin" at our class. its a fishing n shootin game. kinda lame but don deprive yrself frm childhood games rite??!!!! hahaha. ok...im tired..BUAI BYE!

the Princess' thoughts ;